Friday, May 29, 2009

SIMPLISTIC THINKING

Writing the thesis to qualify for graduation in my post-graduate studies is a no-nonsense and therefore, an excruciatingly difficult task for me. The very first part of any thesis, I was informed, is very technical. This is one of the two reasons I find it hard to accomplish: I have not only accepted that I hate technicalities in all forms, but that it seemed to me that I also have a very strong resistance to reading technical books or any literature of this kind. Besides, I got this feeling that I don’t really need to prove anything to anybody. So I frequently ask myself: what am I doing this for? Of course, I also find the answers (ask and you shall receive): our Dean is persistently asking me to (and since she is a dear good friend I truly respect and for whom I just couldn’t say no to) and is ever-present in every step of the way to lead and guide me (thesis writing is one of her forte); and maybe I need this to fulfill whatever mission I have in the future. Part of my belief is that, God gives me difficulties to prepare me to do His Will.

My resistance to reading the required materials led me one time to eavesdrop in a hearty conversation of about three of my officemates (distractions are normal in halfhearted tasks). They were kind of arguing whether or not it is possible to have a sexless union between two people in love. One of them has already evolved, as I know him, on matters regarding love. Naturally he will testify for an affirmation. The other one, who bears a rather “ill reputation” pertaining his philosophical points of view, outrageously negated and presented his arguments in full force. I was completely dismayed but managed to maintain my composure. It was as if I had not heard anything obnoxious at all, I appeared to be completely engrossed in what I was reading.

I congratulated myself for the inner triumph not only because it felt good inside but mostly because I was very grateful upon realization that I am a step forward, thinking wise. And I thanked God again for the leverage. Wisdom comes only from God.

I could not help smiling in looking back to the time when I would easily glide in and make “patol” to every argument or discussion I came across with. Tsk, tsk, those were the times of my insecurity. That is how pathetic we can get in times yet of our insecurity. It’s like we really need to do anything and everything, no matter how obscure it/they may seem, just to prove (instead of improve).

As I wrote this, I already am over two years in a relationship (that is more of a friendship) which is purely God-based, as we define it following our premise that God is love. And although we did make any commitment, or any promise for that matter, I am happy and contented with what I have with him. I couldn’t be more convinced that it is the presence of God in both our hearts that give us the feeling of calm and contentment (please refer to our previously discussed meaning of Attachment).

When I answer questions about our sex life, people refuse to believe that we don’t have that. I mean, not yet. And if in the future we will have that, nobody knows. The only thing we know is that, WE GO WHERE GOD LEADS US. At our age (we are both in our midlife) it is an absolute foolishness to even think about it. Eh, been there, done that na ak siton ngatanan. What matters, guys, is love, not sex! If someday God permits us so, bonus na la iton. And it will be what Gary Zukav, in his book HEART OF THE SOUL, calls a “celebration of life” – not plain sex.

As I move further in my contemplation, I really think that what led us to our failures (or what others call “sin”) is our simplistic thinking. This led me more to think deep and resolve why Jesus Christ in His time here on Earth often talked in parables. He wanted us to use our heads more. Sloth is considered a capital sin because we are lazy to think. The good and the evil are both inside our very head. And our laziness is driving us to evilness. When we decide to be plain human beings we choose simplistic thinking. Unconsciously, we chose not to think at all, because the other term for simplistic thinking is “no thinking” at all.

Choose to go beyond human beings, friends. It’s our only hope. We are, most of all, Divine. Strive hard to reach for that, your highest nature, because that is where our only hope is situated. That is where God is. And God is our only Hope!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

LIFE BALANCE

Thoughts and reflection – 10/24/07, while on board a tricycle at around 12.30 pm, going home for lunch break from the office:

“Life is meant for balance. Without balance we cannot find our purpose. The purpose of life enables us to live with meaning. For us, Catholics, we find that particular purpose in our deep relationship with our Almighty Father through His Son Jesus Christ (and Jesus’ Mother Mary for whom we must pay tribute to for giving in fully, in complete obedience, to our Almighty Father’s Will), through the Holy Rosary and Eucharistic Celebration or Holy Mass.

When we look really closely and reflect, we see the balance in the life of Jesus Christ. In associating our life with Jesus we realize that life does not only consist of pains and sufferings (Sorrowful Mystery) but happiness (Joyful Mystery) as well. When we have accepted and let God enter our heart (Light Mystery) He shows us the way – which is repentance and forgiveness – we then see Hope in Him and receive graces through His loving mercy (Glorious Mystery) and we feel alive again, as if resurrected from the dead.

Pope John Paul II, to whom God entrusted the introduction and incorporation of the Light Mystery in our Holy Rosary, always called for balance (I saw the video re-runs of His Holiness at the EWTN Channel). Reflecting on Light Mystery I was astounded to find out that: it is only through our Baptism (of Fire) that we finally see our Miracles. When we see and thus, appreciate these miracles we are inspired to Proclaim God’s Kingdom (via testimonies as we experienced God’s presence in our life) caused by our joyfulness and indescribable feeling of the divine discovery.

The proclamation that we do will effect in us subtle or even abrupt inward transformation (Transfiguration), through our consistent efforts and consistent prayers because we cannot do everything in our power. To be able to sustain this inward feeling of transformation, which we must guard against all odds because it is our only hope for salvation, we continuously guard our self by participating (not only attending) Jesus Christ’s Instituted Holy Eucharist or Holy Mass – our highest form of prayer. Amen.”


Scanning my old files to de-clutter my drawers, I stumbled unto this one I reflected above. As I go into outpouring my sentiment for this issue, I sincerely pray that I may not hurt anybody as I do not have the intention to. But should in case I will, as it is in every human nature to get hurt because of guilt due to unhealed wound/s, I humbly ask for forgiveness for my unintended “misgiving”.

On that GODly Wednesday, I attended a funeral mass for the burial of Atty. & Mrs. Noel S. Sermense’s youngest son (the handsomest angel of God, in life form – and even in death – I ever laid my eyes on!). I was seated beside my “Ate” (the term I fondly use to call my dearest girl-friends, who are chronologically older than I am, out of love and respect for them). After the rite, we got to ask each other of our private lives for purposes maybe of lightening the heavy feeling associated with the event.
She told me she is fine naman and is still in a relationship with her boyfriend even if she is not experiencing the feelings for him anymore. She enthused further that it is only because her mother is preventing her to break off with the boyfriend that is probably keeping the relationship intact. I find that to be a perfect pity, pathetic.

I don’t know how it is with you, friends, but for me, BALANCE IS THE ONLY WAY TO FIND HEAVEN ON EARTH. You see, what transpired between my Ate and I made me travel back to the time when the totality of my being was in search for that magic most people translate as “feelings”…and now I realized that that time was plain crazy!
The association of love to feelings alone is not definitely IT, my friends. Read these scientific findings closely and I hope you get to think/reflect seriously and deeply after reading.

“Ms. Helen Fisher, a U.S. Anthropologist and the author of the book WHY WE LOVE, exposed her findings that there are neuro-chemical triggers or stimulants which cause us the urge to mate. She offered the following information:

LUST – the desire for sexual gratification is caused by the stimulants TESTOSTERONE;

ROMANTIC LOVE – the state of feeling high is caused by the stimulants called
DOPAMINE and SEROTONIN; and

ATTACHMENT – the feeling of calmness and contentment from a relationship comes
from the stimulants OXYTOCIN and VASOPRESSIN.

If you still remember my presentation regarding the three (3) natures of man (animal, human, and divine) and connect these facts to the findings of Ms. Fisher, you are going to find out perfectly well that the most important of all is situated, described and considered the least because it is the last. But, alas, hasn’t it been said that: the lasts are always the firsts!?

The thing, my dearest friends, is, nobody can ever attain balance effectively if he/she is not firmly grounded on a solidly secured foundation. Why is that? It is because we have been grossly damaged by our insecurity problem (due to mistrust) that is the main wound in our growing up years. This insecurity will keep adding up (or multiply) as we move on with our lives unless we do something about it. This insecurity likewise caused us our confusion, isolation, desperation and desolation. It is primarily because of these that the majority of us, unfortunately, chose to get stuck and stagnate, either consciously or unconsciously. To understand further, may I refer you back again to Erik H. Erikson’s theory on Life Stages (please find it in our previous issues).

Romantic love is the feeling that destroys most of us because it is what we consistently long and wish for. The problem is, romantic feelings eventually end (like lust or sexual gratification which actually is but a “three seconds orgasm”) because it is only human nature. What normally happens after it fades away is, the person is faced to choose between these two (2) choices: “look for the same magical feeling again to make him/her high” or “stay in whatever rotten situation he/she is already in”. Romantic love is the cause of man’s folly since time immemorial.

ONLY GOD IS FAITHFUL. “…and surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Without finding God in us first, which is our divine nature, and establish a good relationship with Him (the purest form of Attachment), we will never find the feeling of calmness and contentment that our every heart desires. Only a person who has found God in himself/herself is truly capable of honest faithfulness. That is the reason why authorities of the Church keep claiming that unfaithfulness happens even in the mind. To remain in our human nature is to be forever-changing. It is very difficult staying there. To decide to stay there we are given only (again) two (2) choices: fleeting happiness or difficulties. Papalit-palit lang ang dalawang ‘yan, depende sa sitwasyong kinakaharap mo at takbo ng utak at laman mo. Both roads lead to hell on Earth. Kaya sa tuwing nagakakamali tayo palagi na lang ang alibi natin ay: tao lang po ako.

When we decide to put God first in our life and do all the necessary effort and fervent prayers to be attached to Him no matter, we are little by little transformed and empowered to live our life for us, not for anybody. This is God’s main purpose for giving us our life because He only wants us to be happy so we can glorify Him. In glorifying God, by living a happy, decent and contented life, we effectively evangelize – or tell the people (simply by showing them without intent) who and what God is in human form. At saka lang natin masasabing: tao po ako!

Jesus came here to show us exactly that. It was not only for Him to save us, although it was definitely His greatest Mission. If we have chosen and called ourselves Christians will it not follow then that our divine mission is that of Jesus Christ also? To rightfully relive what He has shown us?

Yes, we will, of course, be human for as long as we live. This we must accept also. Kasi there is a nag-iisang Jesus Christ lang na inatasan ng ating Father God to save the world. That is why only He is sinless. (Tayo, palagi na lang skinless – wala’ng pinagkaiba sa ahas na palagi na lang nagpapalit ng balat. huhuhu) Unlike Him, all of us are bound to commit mistakes. We will always fall short. But our acceptance of this fact is very imperative – a necessary step for our self-awareness. When we are aware of fully ourselves, including our weaknesses (which unmake us), we will live our life only according to the best interest along God’s plans for us, because that is where our best interest also lies. This is what others call, “proper alignment of our personality and soul”.

When we decide to find the wrong attachment that the world offers us, we will ultimately settle into inexplicable loneliness and deep pain or depression because whatever this world offers is, yes, “temporary”. Jim Carrey expressed in an interview at the Oprah Winfrey Show: “I wish everybody becomes rich and famous, so that they will know that it is not the answer.”

Our self-denial makes us blasphemous, and thus, hypocrite people in both languages, verbal and non-verbal. Without being judgmental, much less condemning, I just would like to stress that, for as long as we do not have Jesus in our individual lives we will never ever know the sacredness of our traditions. Our human nature will continue to dictate and overtake us. We will continue to make impressions only. We will consider the world a stage where everything we do is for a show.

I see so much promise in my Ate though. So much hope when she told me that for a while already she has been with a religious group to seek God further through their help. Most importantly, she said she has not allowed her boyfriend to mess up with her own decisions, especially concerning her very own dear life. This is good enough.

See you when I see you again, friends…God bless everyone.

THE RAREST GEM

My eldest son, who is a little too short on patience, woke up on the wrong side of his bed (as in, he was fuming mad at me) hearing my uncontrollable sobs one particular early Saturday morning. That is how he shows you he actually cares for you. But maybe because I am his mother who knows him too well (I know where he got that, too), I am not at all affected with his kind of loving. Kaloka!

I know he will, one day, refine his loving. My heart tells me that. Nobody changes overnight. Pag nangyari ‘yan sa sinuman, matakot kayo. You have all the reasons to doubt. The person is up to something sometime. At pagdating ng araw na ‘yan, consider yourself dead meat!

Back to my eldest son, when I finally got the right timing, to talk to him about the reason for my crying, I was glad he understood naman. Although it was not without slight disagreements between us before we both really settled the matter. I thanked God again for all of the experiences He let me during my younger years… or I would have found it hard to cope every time I am faced with difficult situations with my stewardship.

Unchangingly I maintain my conviction that the greatest indeed that God gave is friendship! To quote Muhammad Ali: “Friendship is the greatest in the world. It is not something you learned in school. And if you haven’t learned anything about friendship, you haven’t learned anything at all.”

It was my contemplation regarding friendship that made me cry hard that morning while I was in the middle of my morning praise and prayer. My weekdays were laden with torment involving two (2) of my dearest friends in our workforce. I was hurt in both un-fateful events because I promised myself that the last thing that I need in this lifetime is a broken relationship. That, if there is any truth to the “reincarnation” concept, I want this to be my last lifetime.

That week, however, proved me how difficult it is to be true to my promise. That when we have come to know what love really is and how it is to really love, we cannot do away with hurting people sometimes.

People are what and who they are because of numerous interlocking factors. Kaya nga, “gusto kong bumait pero ‘di ko magawa”, sabi ng isang OPM song. And most often, what happens is “they don’t try hard enough”, maybe because they are not also willing to “cry hard enough” first.

It is one natural phenomenon also to not like sufferings and pain. We have been raised either as spoiled brats or we continued holding on to the pains caused by our pasts, unable to forgive and let go. So we became numb. It is this numbing factor we adopted that made us exist na lang, not live anymore.

Friendship is a trusting relationship. When we unconsciously choose to exist only, we also choose to be paranoid, devoid of trust. How on earth can love be present in a friendship without trust? Without honest friendships there is no love between any (2) or more persons. Technically then, this is foul! Technical lang ang friendship na nag-i-exist between you and your supposed friend/s.

When my personal evaluation tells me this, it is high time I keep my distance. I will love you from there na lang – away from you. There is so much to be learned. I have to grow with you if you are my friend. If I don’t, then I will move away. Ganyan ako. Either you leave me or I’ll leave you. Kasi kung patuloy tayong magsasama, di ko alam kung saan tayo pupulutin. Baka sa kangkungan. Joke! Pero seryusli talaga, ayoko kasi dun, e. God intended me for somewhere good I know I deserve. At dun ko lang gusto. I am the Captain of my Ship. I’ll always decide to live my life the way I see it fit.

Praise and all glory to God, every time people say something nice at how my kids grew up I tell them back: “It’s because we both grew up in friendships.” We sometimes fight, but storms are part of a healthy and growing friendship. Friendship or any relationship for that matter, without disagreements is fishy. It is composed of phony people. Between my children and me, we keep learning from one another in our friendship, physically but more spiritually present every time, all the time. The fact that I am their parent does not stand in between us at all. I believe that I have attained my balance, in God’s grace and mercy, and they are fully aware of this. So they know securely well that they can always approach me whether it is a friend, a sweetheart, or a parent they need. Maybe it is also this that made me secure they are not offended every time I call their attention, especially on matters about discipline (sometimes it is I that they discipline also).

In parting, may I reiterate what I’d been saying na paulit-ulit na lang: Be a friend to yourself by resolving all of your issues, so that you can establish honest and rewarding friendships. We are made for friendships and service…nothing more, nothing less.

With all my love, please know that I really care…GOD BLESS U!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

“A foot is measured by inches; a road is measured by miles; but a person is measured by his/her smiles.” I happily smiled at this cheerful morning greeting of love from Rev. Fr. Rod San Jose, OFM.

I was happily with a Christian Community before I decided to go on leave because my situation as a single parent demanded it so. While in there, I was able to hear complaints from my co-members regarding the seeming indifference of some of our co-members. By indifference, all they really wanted to mean was that they were allegedly taken for granted by some members, especially in places apart from our getting together as a community, and that they were not afforded even a smile.

My, some people could really get that impossible! I would have honestly liked to blurt in complete disgust and frustration by this kind of narrow-mindedness. Small a complaint as it maybe, but it sure is a sign of immaturity emanating from an insecurity. Did it ever occur to these people that maybe the un-smiley ones they were complaining about are in fact bothered by problems, personal or otherwise? Only the people who have developed empathy have the capability to make a difference unwaveringly. And there are yet a few of them.

Sympathy is already difficult for some people to cultivate. And although it could be easier for some, it won’t still suffice. The reality is, people are so hungry for love they seek hungrily to be always recognized. The sad thing is, they do not know that their complaining about other people is a manifestation of the complaint against their own self.

Watch out, friends, because when you are complaining about others, chances are great that you are complaining about yourself. A person who has learned a healthy self-love has already accepted everything there is about him/her self. And because he/she has done so, he/she is also capable of accepting and loving others. Kaya dapat muna pansinin natin ang sarili natin.

This is not about vanity. Vanity is a totally unhealthy self-love. It is all about proving. We’re talking, and are concerned more, about improving. Vanity has motives underneath which are basically coming from human desires. This is outrageously dangerous because “desires are the chain that binds us” (quoted from a t-shirt print).

I talked about living Christ in us in our past issues, friends. Now I would like to mention again that it is through this alone where we can learn empathy. When we have learned to be empathic we will be able to see our self in others. When we can see our self in others it won’t be easy for us to neglect anybody anymore. There will always be smiles on our faces as we will always be conscious of the fact that we are anyone who we see and meet, and talk to, and get together with, and so on, and so forth.

Live Christ in you, dearest friends, and you will not miss out on anybody. And you will not care if you will be missed out by anybody anymore because you will already have a very understanding heart that truly cares. But remember that only with God’s help can you be. Your effort is enough. But persistent prayer must go along with your effort.

Remember that, we can only make a difference in this cruel world by not being indifferent. Need I remind you again that we are all children of God?

Love you always…God bless…!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

COMMON SENSE?

Hayden Kho’s sex video scandal with different women overtime became the instant flavor of the month (harinawa’ng di naman ito bumilang ng mga buwan, Diyos ko!) and it’s been annoying to hear people talk about nonsense. Unless we consciously choose and decide to learn from the lessons brought about by the people involved in the scandal we will just be wasting our precious time talking about nonsense.

Jesus said: “let those who have not sinned cast the first stone.” Upon closer scrutiny the truth that we are all sinners is the reason for our talking and having fun about nonsense. And I ask myself: where have all our common sense gone? Our insensibility and insensitivity (both words denote the absence of feelings and emotions) toward our brothers and sisters erased the sense from our common sense. What has been left in us is the common na lang – so we are commonplace, everywhere. That is why it is so easy for us to pick on other people. Look at them more than look at our self.

History keeps repeating itself since nobody knows when. The saddest fact is, we will keep history repeating itself because of our own negligence due to ignorance because we constantly keep our focus elsewhere – to something nonsense. “Everybody needs something to measure his/her life against.” – I learned this from authorities in the field of Psychology. This is where I attribute the veneration of the Saints in the Catholic religion.

In these modern times, however, we need the urgency for living models necessary to mold the moral values of the young, so that they will live according to what is expected of human beings in a civilized world. Hayden Kho was only about 27 or 28 years old when this hullabaloo begun sometime last year. According to Sigmund Freud, a person attains fixation of his/her personality when he/she reaches around these ages. After that, he/she is difficult to change anymore.

Although I am very partial to Freud’s theory, I am more inclined to Carl Jung’s because of his amazing evolutionary theories, because his reference is very limited to what I call “human language”, I saw great opportunity for Hayden’s growth when I read his lengthy story (as told by him) of the matter in the Yes Magazine. Every major mistake that happens in our lives is an awakening call. We must respond to it. The mistake only becomes bigger and complicated when all we do about it is react!

The uncalled for TV appearance of Hayden’s mother is nothing but a reaction (and a blasphemous one at that). It won’t help in any way. It will only worsen the already worst situation. More than anybody in this world, it is the parent/s who must model for their children. Every child in every home grows up watching his/her parents first before his/her exposure to the outside world. The following I took from Leo J. Trese’s book, MANY ARE ONE: “a little child does not learn to deal with life by any process of reasoning, or by theorizing, or consulting a book of directions. The child learns by watching others, especially by watching his (her) parents. They are his (her) pattern. For good or for ill, he (she) will grow up in their image.”

Far from judging Hayden’s mother, I would like to say that there may also be parents who thought that they have offered their children the best that they could muster to the best of their abilities, but found out that the societal pressure (the friends and the environment as a whole) was too much for them to control, finding a perfect “stranger” in their own child in the end.

Life is a mystery. Each must take responsibility of his/her very own self. Outside of our own self, prayer is the best that we can offer. Every participant in every misdeed, lapse of judgment, controversy, or scandal must accept his/her own precipitating participation and CHANGE, by beginning to respect him/her self.

As for us, the spectators, let us acknowledge our sinfulness instead of condemning, and vow to learn from the mistake/s of others. Thank God that we are not in the unfortunate situation.

My prayers for all of us! God bless everyone.

LOST IN TRANSLATION

“I have most of all wanted to forget you... I have tried to erase the footprints we’ve made together... I have told myself not to regret having known you… I have chosen to forget your image from my thoughts... I have wrapped myself in silence… But still I remember you... I have walked along lonely stretches just to forget the thoughts of you… I have shed tears thinking of washing away your image from my dreams...from my wishes and hopes...from my songs... And yet in my silence…in my loneliness…I REMEMBER YOU…”

This is a deeply moving and heartbreaking text message my son received not too long ago. I don’t know why but this kept me crying for days and nights. Maybe because I am really an out and out sanguine, a super emotional individual, or it could also be because I can seem to perfectly relate with the texter’s feelings having made the same choice, of forgetting, thirty (30) years ago.

Sometime ago, I wrote about “pathology of love”- which is a sickness a person and only God can cure. Lest this be misunderstood further, may I then explain how we can best get out of this sickness with our pride intact and our joy double.

“Life is a choice” and “Love is a decision” – more than it is a feeling or an emotion. Love, because it is really divine in its truest meaning, must not hurt anybody – either the person who loves or anybody, for that matter. It is for this reason that we hastily make the decision of ‘choosing to forget’ without us knowing the ill effects and grave consequences that lie ahead.

To choose to forget is a self denial (Daniel Goleman, THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF DECEPTION). When I did that I was in my adolescent years (it’s mostly when innocent and unsuspecting first loves happen. Adolescence is one of the two (2) most vulnerable stages in human life, psychologically speaking) and I was in my most susceptible but untainted loving stage.

That one false move led me down the dark alleys causing me to hurt many people along the way. For some, choosing to forget may seem to help, especially for the more sacrificing personalities. So they may interpret the decision as a successful coping mechanism, thereby repeating the same strategy over and over again. Until the time when they finally realize that the strategy of forgetting is not working anymore. This time the pain seems most painful to bear.

Love and loving entails responsibility in it. Therefore, it is a must for us to know the difference between LOVING REALISTICALLY from LOVING FOOLISHLY. Loving foolishly is clearly childish, while loving realistically is childlike.

Eric Berne (who I think theorized the PAC – Parent, Adult, Child in us – Theory first, followed by Thomas Harris’ I’M OK, YOU’RE OK), in his book GAMES PEOPLE PLAY, stated that our Child is (naturally) spontaneous, innocent, and loving. Unfortunately, however, because of our ignorance we went through life forgetting the goodness of our Child little by little. Its corroding effect is so great that we grew up to be adults who are mostly at a loss when it comes to love and loving.

We have considerably lost the wonder of our Child unconsciously. That is why we cannot love spontaneously and innocently anymore. In place of our Child’s wonder loving, we like to love with malice and expectations. We always love for whatever motive/s there is. When it becomes unbearable for our Child already (because of our ignorant suppression), pilit siya’ng aalpas, thus, we act and love foolishly – completely childish! Any wonder why so many people go foolish in midlife?

You must have seen Bill Murray’s and Scarlett Johansson’s movie, LOST IN TRANSLATION. That movie, dear friends, is a clear example of loving realistically. We must know our proper values because it must be where our priorities are anchored. Jesus Christ reminded us: “unless you become little children again, you cannot enter the Kingdom of God.” We need to be vulnerable sometimes (if the situation rightly calls for it) to find our Child again because TO LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE MISSION OF THE SOUL (Gary Zukav, Seat of the Soul).

My decision to forget, thirty (30) years ago, was a decision of my Parent-contaminated Adult. Completely unhealthy! Realizing that it was a crazy decision, I decided to love no matter. From then on I moved slowly, inch by inch, and before long, I saw me when I was a kid – naturally sweet and loving.

Our decision to love no matter is likewise a difficult choice but it is very rewarding, as well as emotionally and psychologically freeing in the end. The only prayer we need as an effective tool is: “Your Will be done, Father!” We cannot do everything in our power. We have to rely heavily on God’s power in an absolute trust in His plans for each one of us as Christ promised in Jeremiah 29:11-12.

Love is really enough, believe me. It is our understanding of it that is not. We just must not forget to pray for the one we truly love because despite our capacity to love everybody unconditionally, there is always a special one who holds our heart (as the case maybe).

Submit. Surrender. “Man proposes. God disposes.” Don’t get lost in translation.

Love you dearly, friends…! God bless you.

MY SEARCH FOR THAT “ONE FRIEND”

Blankly staring at the wall in search of something worthwhile to write about, I was suddenly caught in awe when I heard the song “One Friend” playing over the computer while my pretty friend was doing her assignment for the day. Instantaneously my memory went back to my high school days because that was one of my favorite songs way back then.

I sincerely think that all of us are in search for a ‘one true friend’ who fits perfectly well with the song’s description as follows: someone who understands me/ and knows me inside out/ and helps keep me together/ and believes without a doubt that I could move a mountain/ someone to tell it, too.

The foolish thing is, way back then I really thought I found one already. That friend was a real joy even if I seemed to always have butterflies in my stomach every time he was around. It was a puzzle I did not so much mind because I was overwhelmingly happy every time anyways, I thought.

Then one day he walked out on our friendship. I did not know why then and I still do not know now. I guess I will never know even in the coming days. Sad, but his banishing into thin air without notice seemed to me the culmination of my pains of abandonment since childhood. I cried all the oceans: the Pacific, Atlantic, etcetera, etcetera.

Until one day, I finally got tired of crying I decided to erase the “friendship of him chapter” in my mind. Wrong decision! I should have forgiven and just consoled myself by drawing probable causes of his leaving instead of pushing things somewhere inside my head. That wrong decision led me to a hardened heart. The worst thing is, it created a lacuna – the blind spot we unconsciously create in our minds (please refer to THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF DECEPTION by Daniel Goleman) – in me.

Nothing was right since then. I was definitely badly affected by my wrong decision. I got what I deserved. Life is like that pretty much. One false move and…wham! Diri la domino effect an nahinanabo, may rippling effect pa gud. Absolute natural law: what goes around, comes around. Nobody runs away from it.

I wrote this during the time when the teleserye “Sana Maulit Muli” was airing on Channel 2. (Yes, I was also baduy then. At paminsan-minsan I’d like to be baduy pa rin.) My kids were wondering why I was not at all interested viewing it. Fact is, when Channel 2 was yet airing its trailer I found myself crying always.

Labot la gud man san kamatuuran nga OA ak, I fully understood as well the reason for my uncontrollable emotions. You see, when we leave the gates open there will always be ghosts to haunt us until we are given the opportunity to close them finally. In God’s time that opportunity will come. He promised that (see Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). In the meantime, we wait patiently while doing what must be done – His Will. And should in case no opportunity of that sort happens, we rest in complete trust that it is also His Will. We do not question God.

Maybe the only thing important in life is for me to be guided through with the philosophy that “the past is behind me; the present is now to be attended to; and the future is in God’s hands”.

My love and deep gratitude san iyo pag-upod san akon ka-OA-han. God bless us!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

A MOTHER’S LOVE

By the year’s end I found myself running out of books to read anymore. So I prayed, “Father, I hope I could find me some as You very well know I abhor getting bored.” True to His promise (ask and it shall be given), as I arrived home from the first Sunday, of the following year, evening mass at our Cathedral, I was gladly surprised a bundle of books was waiting for me delivered, according to my son, by an unknown young man. As I excitedly opened the gift, I found a short but very touching letter from my good friend some years back, I’ve lost touch with for a good number of years already.

The following story I decided to reprint not only because I am an avid fan of Carl Jung but more because I strongly feel that there could be no greater love than that of a mother’s. I culled this from the book, SMALL MIRACLES OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP – Remarkable Coincidences of Warmth and Devotion.

In one of his books, the eminent psychiatrist Carl Jung relates the following story:

During the Second World War, American soldiers were stationed on one of the Pacific Islands preparing for an offensive attack against Japan.

Late one night an American soldier named Johnny was resting inside his tent, when, inexplicably, he heard his mother’s familiar and beloved voice calling him urgently: “Johnny! Johnny!”

She sounded frantic.

Johnny chuckled to himself. His own mother was actually many thousands of miles away in the United States, and obviously a bored soldier was mischievously playing a trick on him by imitating his mother’s voice. But who that soldier was and how he had gotten his mother’s voice down so pat, he didn’t know. No one on the base had ever met his mother before; how could someone mimic her voice so convincingly?

Curious and perplexed, Johnny rose from his cot and went out into the dark night to find the man who had pulled the prank.

Johnny expected to find the prankster somewhere nearby, laughing uproariously, but to his amazement, there was no one standing around in the immediate vicinity or the surrounding area.

Johnny was a tenacious sort who didn’t easily give up. He also didn’t like being duped. So he wandered far away from his tent, determined to track down the perpetrator of the practical joke. But everyone on the base seemed to be sleeping soundly, and no one was up and about.

After his investigations proved fruitless, Johnny finally gave up the hunt and returned to his tent. But where the tent had stood only minutes before, there now loomed a giant, smoking crater instead.

During Johnny’s absence, Japanese mortar shells had landed directly onto the spot where the tent had been situated. All the soldiers inside the tent had been killed instantly. Johnny’s life had been saved by the mysterious prankster.

Several months later, Johnny returned to the safe harbor of the United States and the warm embrace of his mother’s arms. As he recounted to his mother the dramatic tale of his narrow escape, she shared with him a story of her own.

On that fateful night in the Pacific when Johnny had heard his mother’s voice calling him, his mother, asleep in Oklahoma at the exact same time, had had a powerful dream. In the dream, her son’s tent was being bombarded by mortar shells. The dream seemed so real she screamed out in her sleep: “Johnny! Johnny!” Her shrieks did not abate until her husband roused her from the nightmare in which she was entrapped.

Her husband tried to calm her – repeating over and over again, “it’s a dream, only a dream.” – and her screaming finally stopped.

Mysteriously, the voice of the mother had traveled directly to the ears of her son, thousands of miles away, and saved his life.

“Far louder than anything we can measure are the sound waves transmitted by a mother’s love.”


My love to every mother, and fathers who are more mothers, out there! Some time again, dearest friends. God bless…!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

THIS CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE (OR IS IT?)

When Rev. Dennis Espiritu, Vocation Director for the St. Vincent de Paul College Seminary and one of my most respected priest-friends, requested me to take over his class while he was on his U.S. trip, I was euphoric. I always find extreme fulfillment in chances/opportunities to contribute in shaping or redirecting the minds especially of the young. SALAMAT PO URAURA, PADRE!

Part of the introductory basics I often utilize, not only as part of rapport-establishment but more as diagnostic “ek-ek” (calling it a “test” is a stressor), is my informal “chit-chat” with the students. True to my expectation, because it has always been in any adolescent or young adults’ classes I had, the most bothersome dilemma these kids are facing is about LOVE. I am always happy with such a finding since, to me, this is a manifestation of honesty/sincerity which is a very good indication of the students’ willingness to learn. This gives me the excitement on the prospects that we can greatly learn from one another.

The following, then, is my theoretical explanation to WHAT LOVE IS (I pray you can closely follow through and get to understand me, especially if you are in the same situation). First, let me get you back again to one of our papers’ past issues where I mentioned about our three (3) natures, as a human being, namely: animal nature; human nature; and divine nature.

Love is defined as a “FLESH thing” in our animal nature. It is so because what cause us to love are our senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch). In our human nature, love is defined as a “ROMANTIC thing”. Our basic drive is either our emotions/feelings (especially for the right-brained people) or whatever motive/end (mostly for those who are left-brained) there is. Thus, this love is primarily composed of expectations such as reciprocation and the like. Because of our brokenness, which has been overlooked for so long, our human love becomes either demanding or depleting, or both, as time goes on. This makes love and loving difficult. It is even made more difficult by our seven (7) capital sins. Clearly then, both our animal and human natures are the main reasons why we are LOST IN LOVE.

Our ONLY REDEEMING FACTOR is our Divine nature, for it is the fulfillment of Jesus Christ’s promise: to be in each and every one of us! Love in our divine nature is defined as an “UNCONDITIONAL thing”. It does not need anything. When a person has already reached his/her level of divinity, he/she is already capable of loving no matter! No conditions set, no limits. No if’s, no but’s. His/Her love is universal. It knows no bounds. Its appropriate definition of love is that of Antoine De Saint-Exupery’s (The Little Prince) which says: LOVE DOES NOT CONSISTS IN GAZING AT EACH OTHER; IT IS IN LOOKING TOWARD THE SAME DIRECTION.

Love in its truest sense means PURITY. Purity happens in our divine nature alone. Unless we align our way of life (beginning with our thoughts) by way of hard, persistent prayers and hard work (through constant self-discipline) we can never get there. Our determination to do these consistently will lead us slowly, but surely, to divine love and loving. Strive hard because it is the only way to find “heaven on earth”.

We really have much to realize when it comes to this “little” (?) thing called LOVE. Or we go crazy! The checklist for a divine love can be found in 1Corinthians 13:4-7 of our Holy Bible. I hope you will find the time to read it so you can check yourselves out, dearest friends, for you to realize just where you are situated at the moment. Pray for
God’s grace and mercy, for you to take off, properly, and finally reach where you are actually headed – according to His plans for you.

My love and prayers… God bless…!

FINDING OUR WAY BACK INTO LOVE

For the first time I saw a music video of Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore singing the song “Way Back Into Love”, which is the theme song for their movie, Music and Lyrics. With deep fascination I listened and paid particular attention to its lyrics. Ang ganda! Exactly tells of what is happening to us all – so lost in love na.

Shortly after the song ended I was transported back in time when my good lady friend, who, after her marriage failure, fell in love for the second time and was already hopeful, described to me her hurt following unexpected turn of events (the supposed-boyfriend “dropped her for dead” allegedly because he cannot endure the pain of waiting). She found out later that there was pala actually a “third party” involved. The j***!

The best that I could do to perhaps ease her pain was to tell her in assurance that she is so loved by God she was spared from such a confused person because had she gotten hitched again, their ending would have exactly been the same as her first marriage failure - especially because the boyfriend, according to her, came from numerous failed marriages already. He was a foreigner.

Ganyan ang buhay. We keep repeating the same mistakes many times over until we really learn the lessons hidden beneath. Now she is back as she had been before, but she tells me she is sure it will be brief this time around. Mabuti naman.

When we unconsciously decide to remain cowards to face the fact that true love involves a hell lot of pains, we are definitely going to end up as losers. Winning is not necessarily ending up with someone in our life to grow old together with. Life is all about friendships and service. And love is not exclusive (M. Scott Peck, THE DIFFERENT DRUM).

Gary Zukav, in his book SEAT OF THE SOUL, tells us that when we can find something worth doing and doesn’t tire us, that is our life purpose. But finding our life purpose entails processes with God as the starting point. Because God is love, and we are already so lost in love, we must be brave to face the pain to find love back again. We have to check inside us honestly to find out baka naman what we have are excess baggage pala.

Starting all over again with God and holding on to Him no matter what will definitely lead us to find our real life purpose. If I love you and you love me, it does not matter where we are situated individually. You are there and I am here. The important thing is, WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING FOR GOD’S GREATER GLORY.

There is so much to be done about. We must get out of our comfort zones and be strong enough to change for the better to make our world a better place to live in because meron tayong nag-iisang Earth lang. Again, unless we learn to love ourselves we cannot love others. When we cannot love others it is much more impossible to love our planet Earth.

Love you everyone! God bless us.

THE QUEST FOR A “CULTURE OF LOVE”

(I wrote this last February.)

It is Love month and love is in the air again. It is specifically the time of the year when my yearning for a blue rose is very strong, nearly overpowering. I know that one day it’s going to happen…in my dreams! Freud said: “dreams are the fulfillment of our wishes.” And I believe that.

Let’s talk things seriously over now. I was able to listen, at EWTN channel, to an impressive priest discussing about the so-called “culture of death”, which the main focal point was the discouragement of abortion. It is a call of the time in the western world because abortion has been considered a normal tendency for a time already, and made even legal in many other countries.

When I got to think about this very sad culture after that show, I thought that abortion is but one grave result of the absence of the opposite culture, the “culture of love”. Every waking moment of our life we see and commit murder, with or without intent. We are practically living in the midst of humans exercising a culture of death. We kill people slowly by the way we treat them, with unkind words, ironic or hostile behavior, or both. These ill behaviors and attitudes are actually our forms of rebellion, but we do not know this factually.

Our ignorance is killing us. It is by our sheer ignorance that we make decisions/choices consciously or unconsciously. There is so much to learn, and so much to unlearn. But we decide to remain lazy and/or prideful. We only read what we like to read, listen to what or who we would like to listen to, and do what only pleases us. We are spoiled-brats! And we are a very discriminating people, to our own disadvantage or destruction (?). We have completely lost our balance.

Rev. Ric Pitogo (Padre Excelente – I consider him) in his homily on a Sunday Mass, touched a little bit on ecological imbalance which, to me, is another one grave result of our exercise of the culture of death. Susan Muto, in her book LATE HAVE I LOVED THEE, stressed three (3) main keys to contentment and happiness which are to: Live Simply; Listen Attentively; and Love Respectfully.

In the book SEAT OF THE SOUL by Gary Zukav, he mentioned about man’s QUEST FOR POWER as the greatest disaster ever to plague the humankind. I believe that it is so. Look at the evidences. We are destroying/killing our planet by our inability or unwillingness to live simply anymore. We got spoiled by our modernization and technologies. We cannot listen attentively because most of the times our thoughts are preoccupied with other thoughts (na most of them are garbage naman. Sorry po!), or that we have not attained confidence yet (because we are either lazy or prideful nga to find out why).

Insecurity factor, sometimes manifested in superior attitudes, blunders effective communication. As a result, it is the more difficult for us to love respectfully because we have not known what really love is!

Looking at all these things more closely makes one want to give up, but we must not. We just probably have to internalize that the cultivation of the culture of love begins within us. That it is done by means of changing our heart and aligning our mind to it. It is called, by Thomas Moore (author of CARE FOR THE SOUL and SOULMATES: Honoring Love and Relationship), “incarnational theology”, which means “living Christ in us”.

Without proper alignment between our heart and mind, though, it is very impossible to live Christ in us. The thing is, other than this, we will simply learn and manifest the techniques and technicalities of saying and doing loving things, courtesy of our cultural dictates (social ethics) which made us hypocrites. This made me wonder how we differ, if at all, from those Pharisees of the olden times.

If, despite the impossibility of it, one day somebody gives me a blue rose in reality, in this lifetime, he/she must have then meant what I exactly mean. “Fat chance, sweetie!”, I must remind me to wake me up and stop dreaming.

But the greatest…is love…for without it “everything we say will be an empty sound” (Leo J. Trese, WISDOM SHALL ENTER)… and everything we do is but a mere action.

HAPPY HEARTS’ DAY EVERYONE! God be with us always.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

"WE CANNOT TEACH OLD DOGS NEW TRICKS", BUT...

A few months ago my officemate-friend, who's got a knack for counseling despite the lack of formal education in behavioral science, accidentally earned her way out of the 'routine sked' we usually have in our office. I found the unexpected event worked for her because she has a natural love for people. I could not help but admire her for that. Up until today she still works for our elderly whom we call 'senior citizens'. Good for them.

We talked just once since her transfer or assignment in that place but she educated me a whole lot regarding people of this age. Yes, as a rule of thumb, I am bent to believe a bit that 'we cannot teach old dogs new tricks'. But because I consider myself a strong believer in the innate goodness of people, my mentality (and sentimentality) tells me: who cares about teaching them new tricks? Wouldn't it be a little easier and so much nicer if we just loosen up and give them big hugs and/or kisses? You see, they also need to have a break. To be made to feel their worth, their importance.

In my small and big talks with people, either directly or indirectly, there is one very striking observation that never fails to hit me real hard: the main focus of their ambitions or actions in their friendships/relationships is the "fruit" that they can get out of it. Is it any wonder then, we see so much desperation and the likes?

In one of the dailies I curiously read this: a son was 'disgusted' to find his aged mother smooching with her peer during his (the son) particular visit in an elderly home where he signed-in his mother.

For what it's worth, please be aware, my good friends, that, however our physical attributes/appearance may change in the passage of time, our feelings/emotions do not. That is why I always like to call our connectedness, LOVE. And please let me say why all over again: because it is only Love we cannot get enough of! We are a people of feelings and emotions. No matter how hard we may try to convince and push this fact behind, it will always come right out in front in time to confront us. Stephen Covey of THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE calls this 'absolute natural law'. Our main problem which leads to another is our malice - our ever-malicious intent to "connect intimacy with the genitals" (Susan Muto: LATE HAVE I LOVED THEE). That is how sinful we are.

This is but a short, short opinion I wrote because I did this in haste just to come up with one and not miss out on us, dearly beloved friends. All I would like to emphasize in this issue is to NEVER PASS A CHANCE TO SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION AND LOVE TO YOUR OLDS AND THE ELDERLY PEOPLE in general. Let us say I LOVE YOU a lot to them. It won't hurt a bit. Grab the opportunity while it's still there.

Let me leave you this message for this issue: "The man of tomorrow is forged by the battles of today" (Lex Luthor of SMALLVILLE). Someday we are going to be the elderly. Respect and love we will harvest if we sow the same seeds to our young of today. Let us be good models to them by fighting hard this one battle via our love for the elderly. Let us be the dream people of tomorrow.

Gotta go, folks. God bless us all!

WHEN GOOD PEOPLE GO BAD

Things will keep repeating themselves until the lesson/s attached to them is learned.

It's been eight (8) long months since I last wrote. I hope you missed me, too. Let me take this opportunity to thank my God-given best friend for lending me his notebook so I could write again. We had our broadband disconnected for financial reasons. It is unfortunate but it is the truth. I offer no alibis. God has His proper timing.

As writers often do, I also have my peak moments when I compose best. This is one of those unusual moments when I feel the urgency to air my sentiments through writing. The anger I have deep inside me has subsided, yes, since yesterday when I recognized it upon waking up (after my prayers of gratitude, of course!), but it has not completely dissipated yet.

You see, I have (or should it be 'had'?) this friend who I consider(ed?) my little brother because I found him to be a really nice guy when I came to know him. He was not the typical average guy looming around we find a-plenty everywhere. He was always vocal about what he felt inside. He was one guy who I thought was in touch with his own feelings and was not a bit icky being vocal about them. I loved him for his honesty (and rarity). Unbeknownst to me though, the same kind of love for a friend will again led me to my grave (ganyan mag-describe ng feelings ang mga katulad kong OA!).

Last Friday, 24th of this month, I met him accidentally in one of the sites belonging to the national offices here. (But no, there are no accidents nor coincidences in life, according to St. Theresa. Everything happens for a purpose and I most certainly believe that.) We exchanged hi's and hello's, and what-have-you's, simply because we have not seen each other for too long a time already. The truth to the matter is, I sent him an invitation, sometime last year, for us to meet and talk because there were unpleasant issues about him I've been personally told about that also brought me pain for him (my messianic complex was at work again, completely overtaking my sanity and logical thinking). After a few text-exchanges I sensed his disinterest to have this personal meeting, so I left it at that. I assured him though that I'd just be around when he comes back down and would like to look back, and analyze perhaps, what could have gone wrong.

We parted, in that 'accidental' and short seeing-each-other-moment, rather well. That was how I personally assessed the scenario. But I was wrong.

During the early afternoon of the same day, I was caught in complete surprise to have been paid a visit by his live-in partner asking me what prompted me to say 'nasty' things about their relationship. Oh, my Lord! My spontaneous response was to re-tell her what transpired between us in that brief meeting, as far as I could vividly recall the incident. Kasabay ng: "I am sorry he put malice to my statement. But I think that, if he had troubling questions naman pala on his mind, bakit ikaw ngayon ang nandito sa harapan ko, at di siya?" For which she replied: "Ewan ko. Basta ako, walang ginagawang masama. At wala namang problema sa aming dalawa!" She kept repeating this particular statement the whole time we spent talking civilly to each other. Until I ended it by telling her what was bothering me instantaneously during our conversation: "Ngayon tuloy, sa nangyaring ito, parang gusto ko nang magtanong kung wala nga bang problema?" Having said that, she bade me her goodbye and off she went.

All's well that ends well, I thought. But I was wrong again.

Tuesday, April 28, morning, I received a call from my dearest friend (who's in Manila in support of her son. I consider her my sister) asking me for details why I am allegedly particularly hand-picked and name-dropped for malicious statements regarding the current situation of the live-in partner of my little brother. I was astounded to hear that! And I thought pa naman that all was well na. I narrated to her what exactly happened. After talking over our cell-phones, I kept thinking where and what could have gone wrong. I texted her saying: "At ang linis ko naman para sabihin 'yan. Wala po akong karapatan, ever, na manghusga ng kapwa. I think that he (my little brother) is making me his scapegoat para kung anuman ang mangyari between them eventually, nailihis na naman n'ya ang atensyon ng tao." Unless a person decides to really, really grow up they will never own up to their own mistakes, lest look at his/her self with serious honesty. THE LONGEST JOURNEY IS THE JOURNEY TO THE SELF. Thank you, my dear little brother (or whoever put those words into my mouth) for the injustice you did me! Whatever reason/s you have for doing that, harinawa'ng hindi bumalik sa'yo ang lahat ng ginawa mo. Goodbye and God bless you.

You know what really kills my spirit, dear friends? It's when good people go wrong (or maybe I just had actually a lapse of judgment, especially in this particular case. Weren't we told NOT TO JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER?). And there couldn't be any 'wronger' than crossing a person's boundaries. Please be aware of that, my friends. It's when we go wrong and can't retract from it, with honest sincerity, that we become bad. We have got to watch our every word or action. Or we hurt people. Change, has been said, is always constant. That it is only change that doesn't change. Everything and everybody changes. As God's greatest creation supposedly, I pray that people change for the better, instead of, for the bad. Kasi pag nag-bad tayo, may worse pang kasunod 'yan. Papa'no pa pag napunta tayo sa superlative degree n'yan - 'yung worst? That is why 'when there is nobody and nothing left to blame anymore, we blame God' na! Aaay...kawawa naman palagi si God. I'm...sad...sick and tired of us! It's a pity if you don't feel the same way.

And so it is, friends, that because of this, I realized now that prayer is the best that I could offer anybody, even to the person who I love the most.

Allow me then to take this opportunity also to extend my THANK YOU to the best people I've known yet who gave me their much-needed support: to my dearest friend, you are really my sister; to my God-given best friend who always makes life easier for me because he is always there through hell or high waters, my sincerest love and faithfulness; and to my kids for whom I can always lean on despite their young age, I love you, guys! This is what is good between real friends, we do not just swallow hook line and sinker what we hear from whoever source. We always give justice to where justice rightfully belongs. We know how to weigh things up and measure the weight according to the right moral values for which we stand firm.

I hope and pray that this is the last misfortune of the same event that will happen to me, as I am finally resolved to learning my lesson following this tragedy. As far as I could remember, I'd been in this situation back in the early 80's concerning my good friend, Fe Tiberio (we were finally reunited after more than a decade). I'd always been put in this kind of misfortune for doing things IN GOOD FAITH. As I remember na somewhere in the Holy Bible these words, DO NOT MEDDLE IN ANYBODY'S AFFAIRS, my apologies dear God, my only Savior. Thank you for always teaching and watching over me!

Bye everybody. SALAMAT PO for bearing with me! God bless you always.