ONE BILLION RISING

Today's topic i would have written for the preceding is­sue, right after the launching of 1 Billion Rising activity in Manila, spearheaded by the known stage actress Monique Wilson. Boy Abunda attended the said event upon personal invitation of Eve Ensler - activity originator and writer of the famous "Vagina Monologues". These known people are but few of those who intensely and extensively work for advocacy to end abuse or any violence against women and to hopefully empower them.

On behalf of all the victim­ized women, i am grateful for these above mentioned personalities for standing up for them and providing strength and courage where both (courage and strength) left them. The different backgrounds each of them have do not matter that much. What binds them together is the common purpose - raise the dignity of women - because even if the Philippines is already fortunate, in as far as the bill of rights for women, among the developing countries, abuses continue to predominate. As I said before, what is seen on official records is but the tip of an iceberg. Most women suf­fer in silence. And they are them whom i cry and pray for the most. I am not talking about their respective children yet.

When i was connected in one of the local NGO's, and assigned specifically in a women's desk/section, i was sent for trainings/seminars and got to learn many things regard­ing the plight of women. But it is one thing to be comforted (na hindi pala ako nag-iisa) and another thing to decide - whether or not to follow the flow. Orphaned at three months old, i spent my lonely childhood in a broken adoptive family, that having been such, i coined a personal principle not to let my children suffer the same pain i suffered. So, i stayed in a marriage that was very, very difficult!

Yesterday while i was on my way home, i met and talked for a while with a young friend who told me about the agony she experienced when she found out about the womanizing of her husband. Because we had very limited time to talk about the details of it and the considering explanations why such and such happen, the least i could do was asked her if her husband is a good provider. When she answered in the affirmative, i told her to thank God for giving you a husband like that. And don't give up praying for his conversion, as nobody can change an evil for an evil. The call for us is "Love revolution".

Very sadly i wrote this while in my mind was run­ning a thought: kon pareho la kunta kan papa (the father who i came to know) an mga babayero nga asawa, medyo magaan gad unta an problema san mga asawa. My father was a very good provider for us. That is how i remember him to be, apart from his ultra temperance. We, his children, left us with the fondest memory of him with his best character despite his relentless womanizing, that ultimately brought him down. Mao man gud iton an kinabuhi, diri mo ngani tuhayon an dapat mo tuhayon sa imo kalugaringon, ma­balik ngatanan sa imo iton. Kaparte iton san sinisiring nga mga universal laws - an mga balaud nga diri ug diri gud nababag-o, sadto ug tubtub san tubtuban san kalibutan. But the children must always forgive, lest they will suffer the same fate or consequence/s and worse, kay an pagdumot ug kasina permanente nga sa karat-an kit gindadara.

Women, if you are in the same situation (of being mar­ried to a womanizer), do likewise. STAY and do something about your own self. His problem is his, not yours. Mayda ka kalugaringon nga krus nga imo ginpapas-an. By making his womanizing your problem, you are adding the weight of your own cross. Concentrate on your own wellness. HOWEVER, if you are experiencing more forms of battering as add on to your husband's womanizing, then do something radical about your situation. The children will experience the anxiety and bitterness of your decision, but all of those will be temporary. All those are effects of their (your children) sentimentality because they have not yet seen the world as it is. When they finally decide to wake up and understand, they will move on with their own lives and learn the lessons they got from both of you, their parents. Eventually they will be grateful you showed them courage and strength.

The celebration of women's month will be this coming March. The 1 Billion Rising had been decided to launch last February 14. Chances are, it must be in time for the celebra­tion of the Hearts' Day, maybe because tungod iton san siring nga linya: ang babae minamahal, hindi sinasaktan. Sanglit, babaye, ayaw na tuguti nga padayon ka na la nga susugaron. Buhat ug salbara an imo kalugaringon! Cel­ebrate your goodness as a woman of God everyday! 

The greatest of my love for all of the women - empow­ered or not yet.

BLESSINGS AND PAINS

I faced the computer with nothing in mind. i had a deadline since yesterday pa. Until i sat down here nothing seemed to be working. So i went Facebook-ing to check on my friends, especially the faraway ones. 1, 2, 3 hours had elapsed and the computer monitor reflected quite a sum to pay already. i was wasting money that my family needed, i thought. But i had to forego the thought and reminded myself again that LIFE IS MEANT FOR FRIENDSHIPS AND SERVICE. Guilt is a very nagging enemy of the self. i shall shake it off me if i do my passion - write. 

And then i found my subject on the wall of one of my FB friends! My pretty sister's (Maricris) post, THERE ARE TWO (2) TYPES OF PAINS IN THIS WORLD: PAIN THAT HURTS YOU; & PAIN THAT CHANGES YOU. The truth is, i had been wanting, for quite long already, to write about Humility versus Pride. From my son, who studies Theology, i learned that "Humility is the foundation of all virtues." It is also from this that i thought of its opposite that, "Pride (ego) is the foundation of all sins." 

St. Thomas Aquinas' famous line, among his many, goes: Only a virtuous man is a happy man. Without a doubt, everyone of us is in search of perfect happiness. But what is found most of the time are fleeting and temporary. What we are after are those that are more or less permanent and sustaining. Happiness is indeed elusive, many of us sigh. The truth is, it is not! The problem that blocks people from attaining it is only one. It is pride or ego! Because even if it is only one, it nevertheless takes many forms or manifestations. And it carries no end goal.

Gary Zukav, in his book THE SEAT OF THE SOUL, states: Love is the ultimate mission of the soul. As human beings created and moved by our soul that is our end goal - Love. Majority of the people equates emotion to love. There is nothing wrong with that. What makes that translation wrong is when it jeopardizes relationships or friendships, institutions, and society at large. Love is the strongest emotional force (Foundation for Inner Peace: A COURSE IN MIRACLES). But when its motivation is destruction it must be clearly sought and consciously consulted to find out where it must be coming from.Oftentimes wrong translations are effects of wounded-ness, labelled in other books as "disorder of the soul". 

It is this disorder that is causing the disorderliness of the world. Normally it begun in the home. It is where the psychological parlance - THE CHILD IS THE FATHER TO THE MAN - came from. All of us were born the same. As pure as pristine waters, and as precious as diamonds. In our growing up years, however, we were pained by so many different transgressions coming from practically every direction. To cope we turned to someone, or other people, or for something/s to feel comforted and assured. But things kept repeating until they formed vicious cycles, which probably eventually even became cyclones and super typhoons. To cope further, many strategies were coined and employed for self preservation. All throughout these processes, people unknowingly formed their ego and strengthened it further by constantly reinforcing it layer after layer. Mao nga naabot na sa punto nga mayda na ginsisiring nga "dumako na an ulo". And take note, kaupod san pagdako san ulo, nagguguti man an konsensya. This is a very natural consequential phenomenon. 

          

Unconscious as to what had been brewing inside, gurugutiay la nasisina o nasasakitan na. Ngatanan na la ginpe-personal. Tubtub nga nagsamok na gud uraura an panhunahuna. Until ...only God knows what. Kairo man. Mao iton nga kinahanglan gud kit ngatanan magsakop san ngatanan sa aton mga pag-ampo. Prayers are the best way to helping people. Because in the course of their living their life in ignorance they constantly and consistently played games that they thought suited them well. Many people were affected and victimized by their self-victimization because of their way of coping. 

Until a decision is made for change by acknowledgment of what went wrong, and not blame others for what happened to his/her own personal life's destruction, nothing will be changed. And the attainment of the end goal, which is to find Love, is impossible. Peace and happiness will be nowhere to find as well, because the foundation of all things good is only Love. 

Change can only happen when what needs to be changed is acknowledge. When a mistake is denied, the mistake multiplies. Pains that change, my friends are "blessings-in-disguise", while those that hurt are caused by your wounds inside. Life is a choice, Choose to heal! There is no alternative to that. Freedom comes from healing. 

I lovingly pray for all of us, as we are all brothers and sisters in one big family of God, as i have said! See you sometime again, beloved friends!

SPECIAL LOVE ON A SPECIAL DAY FOR THE LOVE MONTH

Love makes the world go around.  ...and round and round and round in this world we go. This unending vicious cycle of love is simply amazing and amusing! Days before Valentine's Day, a girl office mate shared us what she overheard, in one of the usually frequented financing institutions, from the group of "boys-pretending-to-be-men" talking about their plans for the big V day. Said one: puno na an Ciriaco yana pa la! Everyone laughed. Then another one blurted pointing to one of the noted womanizer: Aw, ini si ... aguris gud ini. mao ngani nga adi ini yana kay nagpe-preparar na! Pandemonium.

          While in my mother office then, i smiled seeing a teenage boy wearing a shirt with a print of a couple - a man & a woman - whose respective hearts were printed in the midsection of the chest, to the woman, while to the man, the heart was printed at the bottom midsection part of his body. Simply put, love is translated very differently between both sexes. That while women love from the heart, men equates love with his sexuality/virility. This led me to question if we could perhaps draw connection between this and the recent SWS survey for satisfaction rating, concerning love, dropping down. Even then, however, it was also found in another survey that we, Filipinos, rank at the top most for being romantics. Ain't this a little too confusing? To me, it is not. For the others, it maybe. Save for those whose thinking are stuck from way back, only they know, when. Joke la naman...batu-bato sa langit... :)

          When i was writing under my pen name - eunice ji - yet, i shared that "Love is neither a reason nor an emotion." And the corresponding explanations for believing the other way around i also wrote there. If you are interested you can re-read from: www.euniceji.blogspot.com. But once more, let us closely check ourselves kon tama pa ba an dalagan san aton panhunahuna, lest we find ourselves regretting and regressing in the process.

          In the book, A COURSE IN MIRACLES, written by the scribe (at least that is how she considers herself to be), Dr. Helen Schucman, she states: the special love relationship is the ego's chief weapon for keeping you from Heaven. It is its most boasted gift, and one which has the most appeal to those unwilling "to heal". It is in the special relationship, born of the hidden wish for special love from God, that the ego's hatred triumphs.

          Sometime ago, in one of my conversations with my brother-priest, i told him that it is of my opinion that pride is the mother of all sins. I haven't changed my opinion of that yet. In fact i have strengthened that belief by the fact that it is from pride where the other sins are committed. Although by way of her profession, Dr. Schucman, used the term ego, instead of pride.

          The early part of January, this year, found me with a damsel-in-distress conversing matters of her heart. She decided, temporarily - i hope, to break up with her husband and find herself first. Good decision. And as is usually happening in such a scenario, i provided her info in reverse to effect eustress. At present she is back in her own hometown with her own family, who then refused to give her a refuge. She is seemingly happy judging from the text messages i receive from her from time to time.

          Fact is, when our decision is based solely on our limits - that we have set to our self - we become confused. This confusion is what makes our life painful. Problem is, we have attached pa gud the idea of happiness sa paghigugma nga nakabase san aton kalugaringon o san kanan sosyedad definiton of love. Ug tungod kay limitado kaupay an aton pagsabot san paghigugma, naabot gud an panahon san sinisiring nga disappointment or disillusionment. Mao iton nga mayda sinisiring nga linya: you can be with somebody but remain lonely. Some will put a good show to hide what is actually inside, because in an ego play, many consider the world a stage. But what they do not know is, it is only them they are convincing.

          In true Love, time and space do not matter. It goes or transcends beyond everything. But the one thing very important to remember is that, it begins with the love for the self. Love respects. But you will not respect others if you do not respect yourself first. It is because you are hurting inside that you keep hurting others. And the love that you give outside is the love that you have not found inside. So, you end up hurting yourself more. But will remain prideful to show that to others because you have not yet decided to knock down your ego. Humility is the only answer. You believe in God through His Son, Jesus Christ? Let me tell you: humility is what Jesus came here for! It is in learning from His teachings that you will wake up to your reality. Ask for God's Holy Spirit to guide you, and you will understand all that you need to understand. You will only become a real w/man, who knows and lives by the real meaning of Love, when you decide to set yourself free, because only the Truth will set you free. And in that truth you will find Heaven while on Earth. Siring pa san homiliya ni Padre Ric Pitogo: tumuod kamo sa diri, mao gud iton. Sanglit kon ako sa iyo, tuod na la kamo.

          LOVE YOU EVERYONE! Tumuod kam sa diri, waray ko la... basta ako, ungod nga naghihigugma sa iyo!

LIFE AND DEATH

My heartfelt condolences to the families of the two of my closest friends and relatives by affinity, Bong Obong and Gemma Omila-Escupete, who recently passed away both of treacherous affliction. Life is, they say, short and mysterious that we have to learn by heart how to live it well and according to the purpose specific of why we are here. Because as unique as we each of us are, we also have unique purpose and mission of being born here no matter our diversity.

This paper's publisher related to me about his being discouraged by a friend for his passion for this paper as he should have better things to attend to. That, at this point in time and given his present age, this job is not for him anymore, said his friend. Funny! But I think that this belief is one of the basic reasons why many of us are lonely and are yet in search of something they do not seem to know what even if they are old already. So they remain lonely, which loneliness manifests outside through anger or whatever addictions they are into, until their lonely death.

Bong, my dearest brother in Christ, is one of the few who, I am sure, died a peaceful and happy death. When I saw him the first time in his coffin, he was so serenely handsome I haven't seen him like that at all since the first time I saw him in his youth until the rest of his living years (the last time we briefly talked was a week before his demise). True enough, the situation of our soul is reflected through our body, either in life or in death.

My children, like their aunts and other relatives, cried so hard for their loss in Bong not only because crying and sorrow is a normal part of goodbyes, but mostly because they dearly love him so much! Bong has given them, all his nephews and nieces, so much love, attention, and nurturing, by sharing all that he had - talents and all, that he will be truly missed BIG! This is how he lived his private life. And just as selflessly as he had given his own family of himself, he did so, too, without let up in silently serving the public through the Church. He did not search for accolades, nor served for money. He did what he had done for love and friendships!

Passion, my friends, is our driving force to live life with a purpose. But passion is never, ever associated with the call of the body. Passion comes from the depths of our heart which is the seat of our soul. Isn't it that sometimes we hear people tag the line: "Waray kalag!" [‘No soul!’] to notorious people who frequently cross the boundaries of others? That is how important our soul is to each of us. Without us recognizing it and its need, then we will naturally fail to find our passion. When we have found our passion and concentrate giving from there, nothing will be put to waste. Everything will be counted in the here and now because it has no end. It is limitless. Our passion is our Call. Bong will be forever remembered here on Earth and especially in Heaven.

Answering the call of the body is different because it is very limited to the body. When the body dies, it will just rot and will become part of the earth where it naturally belongs. When we keep giving in to the call of the body, without using our mind to protect it, we will eventually meet loneliness and soon suffer the ill effects of being lonely and confused, for we are the Captain of our Ship. What we ask for, we get.

The problem is, people do not like to do soul-searching to find their passion because they always prefer to go the easy way - find happiness in serving the body. They think that choosing this is less complicated, not realizing that eventually this same choice is what will lead them to complicate their own lives. Sugad siton kasimple an panhunahuna san kadam-an nga tawo. [That is how simple-minded most people are.] They sabotage their own lives.

As I wrote, I have not yet gone to the wake of Gemma, my sweet, beautiful friend, as I am still so buried in pain with Bong's passing away. It is very difficult for me to be over the sadness because I am surrounded by my equally, and more, pained children and other relatives by affinity. In the sadness of my heart though, as a human being, I am fully aware that Bong is happily united with the Lord. That knowledge and assurance is my great consolation. And it is this same consolation that will free me, and the rest of us, from this pain of losing our dearly loved brother in Christ, Bong!

See you all sometime again, friends. Get to bond with your loved ones always!

FRIENDSHIP IN THE FAMILY

As I wrote this, it has been three consecutive nights already that I have been following, in the ABS-CBN nightly newscast, a featured story of the unfortunate fate of the wife and mother named Marilou Jorge, whose lifeless body had been discovered in the trunk of her own car. I am sure I am only one among the many who became interested to find out what lies beneath the probable lies.

As part of my humanity, I have also formed my own opinion on the matter. But I am wont as yet to nail it since we are not made for judging others. However, it is of my opinion that maybe there was a lack or absence of honest friendships in the house (house, because dreadful things can never occur in a Home). Honest friendships constitute honesty, acceptance, and respect. The failure of observance of these in a family will spill over outside of it. This is the reason why every family member must consider seriously his or her own duties and responsibilities as part of and being in it.

Part of the video clips from people who personally know Marilou Jorge attested to her being a good and religious person, being even a member of a religious organization. Well taken. Most often though, the problem is when what we see externally seems to be taken seriously blown out of proportion.

In one of the lines of a TV soap, I heard: "Lahat tayo ay may sekreto." ["Each of us has secrets"] The thing is we are not exactly in any position to comment perfectly about others because we are not with them 24/7. That is one thing. The other is we do not know what is going on inside every mind. Regardless of age, people keep secrets for many various reasons unique to each one. When Marilou discovered the love letters belonging to his son in his room, all hell probably broke loose (her relentless scolding to her son, as told by her daughter in her affidavit proved that).

Freedom is a most cherished possession one could ever have. When it is taken away from us, we are prone to go berserk, desperate or lonely because, just like Love, Freedom is greatly misunderstood and thus, abused. Sanglit masamok an tagsa-tagsa naton nga kalibutan. [That's why our own worlds are so chaotic.] There is nothing that cannot be solved in honest communications. But most would rather not talk things over, again for many various reasons. But reasons, however numerous they may be, are but alibis. The truth to the matter is simple: many of us do not exactly know what and how to convey matters important to save what is important to us and our freedom. We are so consumed by fear. It is fear that lead people to wrongfully decide and do things the wrong way. Ug danay sa aton la liwat nabalik an epekto san mali naton nga desisyon.

For all the wrongdoings of the youth, please pardon me for saying this, but we, parents/elders, are most often to be blamed. So much is expected of us because, una sa ngatanan: nahimugso sira sini nga kalibutan pinaagi san aton desisyon nga mahimo sira; ug tungod kay kita an kag-anak, kinahanglanon gud kaupay nga mas may buot kit kaysa sa ira. [...first of all, they came into this world through our decision to make them; and because we are the parents, there is a need for us to possess a high level maturity.] We cannot be less than what is expected of us. Our children, in fact, have all the rights to expect from us. Unless, of course, their expectations are beyond our set limits which importantly must be based on our realities as a family which is unique from other families. Dida naman liwat dapat i-impuner naton an sinisiring nga disiplina. Kaparte dapat, tikang sa tinikangan, nga klaro sa aton mga anak nga kon mayda sira expectations sa aton, mayda man kit nga mga kag-anak, in turn, expectations sa ira. [With that, we should also impose discipline. From the start, it is important to make it clear to our children that if they have expectations from us, we as parents also have expectations from them.] But for all of these, it must be clearly also emphasized to the children that we are no different from them. That we also have human frailties, like they do. This is where assurance, on a case to case basis, must be stressed to enable our children to grow in security and maturity eventually. This should be highly given priority as "expectation is the root of all heartaches."

It is my hope and prayer that the Marilou Jorge story does not end up in actually the father sending a wrong message to his own children. We all have the obligation to give justice where justice is due because "Justice is the Divine correction for injustice.(A COURSE IN MIRACLES)" That is, if we really believe that we have a Supreme Being up there.

Pleasant greetings everyone!

MY PROBLEM

Yesterday was a usual day at the office. When l I finished saying my Rosary this morning though, the question posed by my officemate-friend yesterday came back to me and disturbed me. Reflecting, I found out that until I am able to convince myself that I am not bothered anymore and that I am able to air this out, as a person of expression (“what you bring forth within you”) then I cannot rest and attend to other matters. The problem that always confronts me every single time I am in this is the inability to find a person who will listen to me and understand what I am saying about. Although I have about six or seven (6 or 7) of them, they are not physically with me because we have separate lives to live and have missions to fulfill, the things that we were uniquely born to do. So I say, Thank you, Lord, for this venue!

My officemate-friend’s question had something to do with religion, as she is, according to my personal perception of her, a rather very scrupulously religious woman who shuns herself from other opinions about religion and spirituality. A fixed person, for now, I hope. It is because of this personal opinion of her that I dismissed her by not arguing with what she said, after the question, anymore. After the two (2) unfortunate times that I made her “patol” were more than enough lessons for me.

Religion is not only a very sensitive issue to talk, more so if it is to argue about. And before I go further, let me tell you that there is nothing wrong about whatever religion we chose because I see it more as a solution for our search of belongingness to expand our support system which is needed to suffice our stimulus hunger, specifically the psycho-spiritual one. The problem lies in the belief system, of our choice of religion, that we ultimately decided to choose to embrace. If our belief system is stuck in the teachings of our religion alone then our choice of religion, no matter what it is, becomes limiting and therefore, debilitating. The fact that we (this officemate-friend and i) belong in one and the same religion is an attestation. As I cannot speak for other people (she asked particularly, what could have been a particular author’s thought about Jesus, when I shared with them the findings – re reincarnations – of this author in his field of practice) I might just write about mine. So goes the reason for my writing this.

My personal thought and feelings about Jesus is: He is my Brother, my Best friend, my Confidante, my Great Guide, my Inspiration, my Refuge, my, Comfort, my Protector, my Teacher, my Master, my Everything…that I can be the best that I can be and give the best that I can give through Him. Infused within us, He and Mother Mary are the best examples of both genders (that is why, we are really complete on our own); and that for as long as I let them stay with me and in me, I will always thread the right path.

Maybe this is the reason why my brother-priest says that Jesus Christ and Mother Mary are the modern day Adam and Eve. They could have reincarnated for that very great purpose – of setting us examples! Who knows? And should this be the case, then, they were not first parents for nothing after all! Jesus saved us because He has to (not only because of His great Love for us, but as part, as well, of His great task as the very first creation of God)! Remember in the seven (7) last words before He died: “Natuman na!” ? That is the greatest plan of God for our redemption. Jesus Christ and Mother Mary both showed us that we should embrace sufferings and sacrifices because that is what Love is all about! We need sufferings and sacrifices in our lives to temper the desires of our flesh, so that we can experience the joy of resurrection.

With the vastness of life’s mysteries, who among us knows what exactly could have happened? We are limited to theories, friends. Our theories become part of our belief system. And I am not about to convince you with mine because we are all entitled to each our own. My problem is mine and yours is yours. Love is acceptance and respect. Life will be easier for all of us to bear if it is begun from that angle. But we certainly can help one another given our willingness and cooperation. But that will, of course, entail a hell lot of humility! The question is, are you prepared to get down from your own created throne? Your self-declaration of who you are: that what is called “your illusion”?

Last week after going through so much, I said to myself: “you can call me stubborn, because I certainly am an iconoclast, but I am definitely not going to live my life according to the dictates of other people because in my universe I AM the center. People might be repelled or attracted by that, but whatever reaction they may have of my self-concept is the least of my concern. What is important is I know that I am here for friendships and service. And that I always give the best of me to anybody that needs me. That is the only thing that matters.” My obedience is exclusively to my God. For as long as I remain grounded in my firm belief and understanding that I do not have any malicious intent that will hurt others, then, other people’s views of me are of no importance, as I only have one and ultimate Judge.

Let me tell you this, just in case you failed to notice yet, the only lasting relationship is friendship. Why? Because it is only in friendship where there is no pressure. We are left pretty much by our friends on our own. But they continue to be there for us no matter. You learned/heard of the so-called ONE-FRIEND theory? It says that, for as long as you have even just a single friend who can get you by through good times and tough, then you will be okay. No matter who this person is in your life, whether s/he be a parent, a spouse, a child (biological or not), a girlfriend/boyfriend, a partner, a companion, or whatever you may call him/her, does not at all matter. Jesus is that one for me, guys! But it was Mother Mary who led me to Him. That is why I call me a Rosary girl. My loyalty is not to be questioned.

Expand your understanding about life, friends. Read a lot more. But most of all, keep an open mind. Reflect of things important to your soul. It is the key to eternity. Learn more of yourself, not others. Live your life for you, so you can find you. Unless you begin in you, there is very little that you can give to others. There is this one message I found in one of my friends’ account which I reposted in my Facebook account also. It said in essence: “Live your life well. For others, it might just be the only Bible that they will read.”

Before I finally bid you my goodbye for now, I hope you can pay a visit and listen to Deepak Chopra’s short message in the Youtube, he titled, IAM: THEREFORE GOD IS. And please do get to remember St. Thomas Aquinas’ theory of the God within and the God above in your reflection after listening. Because until such time that you are solid as a rock in Jesus, trust me, there is very little that you can do for your brethren, except “bless them that curse you, and pray for them that despitefully use you (Holy Bible: Book of Luke)”.

Here are two (2) of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quotes I want to share with you before I bid you farewell, friends, to think about: “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” and “Solitude is impractical; and society is fatal.”
Good luck and may God bless you in your continuous search for the God within you!

FIBROMYALGIA AND ANXIETY DISORDER: THE CONNECTION

Retreat (or to treat again; a place of refuge, seclusion or privacy) is one of those needed by every one of us. This is what I discovered just very recently while I was on my very short stay in my son and his wife’s house. And being in a place where I was most of the time by myself, literally and metaphorically (the couple is working on a graveyard shift), my only communication with friends was through the social networking sites, because the couple’s worldwide web connection is 24/7.

During these occasions – of being in the computer – I was many times tempted to share/post this on my wall: “It is an important necessity for us to take a retreat, once a year at the very least, in whatever way/s we can for 1001 reasons!” But I did not want to mislead as I have this observation regarding concepts and understanding. I really think that most of the people have limited knowledge regarding the word “retreat”, as it is mostly understood to have something to do with religiosity, instead of spirituality in connection with our soul, whose language is manifested through our physical body. “It is by SHARING that we become a BLESSING.” Somehow, I kept remembering this particular line, for some reasons. And knowing myself really well, I was certain this won’t stop until I did something about this. Such is the rationale for this article.

A sporty person, I was a tomboy when I was young, I would often grab a chance to walk (my simple form of exercise) as often as I could in my adult life. Approaching my fifties though, I often felt pain in my lower extremities after every brisk walk. I disregarded this matter thinking it was a normal sign of aging. I did my walking alternately in the hope that it will solve the discomfort because there is ample time for repair of used or maybe damaged tissues, or nerve, or whatever that is affected during the exercise, according to my pharmacist best friend. This pattern went well for quite some time, until it was not working anymore. It even went from bad to worse. The muscle pain I was feeling seemed to be all over every part of my body already and it was coupled with fatigue and insomnia. If there were a few times for me to enjoy walking, it was very seldom. And then I realized some more – my memory kept faltering, and sadly the failure would come in time when I needed most to remember something really important and urgent. I was more than sad. I was frustrated!

When my look-alike lady friend offered me to go with her to Manila, as there was much space for more passenger/s in their car, I accepted the invite right away thinking that maybe what I needed was some time off – a breather perhaps. Manila is a place which is frequented when people in the provinces have money to splurge but I sure didn’t have that much money that time. All I had was a little amount to get by once there. I also actually wanted to go with her because the idea of travelling with her, for the first time ever, excited me. Thank you very much, my dear friend Olive!

The following day, immediately after our arrival in Manila, I was fetched by my son to finally spend my short vacation with them in their place outside of Manila – a hilly subdivision which is a wider or larger version of ours here in the province. A true-bloodied “promdi” that I am, I am wont to even getting outside of the gate of the couple’s (my son and his wife) house. Besides not having anything to do outside, I am a very domesticated virgin (LOL)!

The first two (2) days went fairly well. But the third was absolutely different anymore. All those sufferings I mentioned above got worst. I did not say a word to my son as I was very sure what his automatic response will be – rush me to a hospital (in this far away strange city. Ugh! Just the thought of it gives me goose bumps)! And so the pain went on… until I decided to visit my email. One letter contained information regarding fibromyalgia and anxiety disorder. When I read it, it perfectly translated to what I was badly experiencing. I searched Wikipedia to understand more about anxiety disorder (because even if I graduated Psychology I must admit I have very limited knowledge pertaining Clinical Psychology, which deals more with pathology). I was dumbfounded in realizing how dumb I was when I read about anxiety disorder. I didn’t know I was suffering from a disorder at all until that time! I thought that I was okay. It was only in learning the cause of this affliction that I realize how badly I was torn, shattered, as a matter of fact, from the very depths of my soul unto my body. Anxiety disorder is a result of repeated series of traumatic events suffered by an individual. That is how it is described as its definition. That being done and understood, I went through my usual self-CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or most popularly known as “talk therapy”. This is mostly the process where I get to know and heal myself more. After this, immediately the following day, consider it a miracle, but my pain eased – I was relieved.

After my usual “thank you prayer” I got to really think very seriously the reason for the “miracle”. And then I also answered me, that maybe each cell of our tissues has a form of communication to the rests on their own. But to simplify the matter is better. So it got me to believe what I once read: that when information reaches our awareness, that information will greatly help us. Or in Jesus’ words: what you bring forth within, you will save you…! Once again I remembered Dr. Mehmet Oz’s (the author of the medical series books, YOU) words: “you have to be the expert of your own self.” We each have to help our self heal because in healing only it is that we will move forward as one.

Now, as I get older each passing day, I continue to discover my limitations and maybe latent potentialities (nothing is impossible, you know) despite my age. One of shampoos advertisements has this beautiful lady exclaiming: age is but numbers and young is an attitude! I pray God gives me the right attitude which always comes with proper perspectives.

My love every one! God bless…!