"We are a people caught up in our dreams of the past and/or illusions of the future." This is one striking line from a book, whose title I forgot, I could not forget. Months later, I read an article which briefly explained that, "for a marriage to work out, the relationship must be complementary and supplementary".
No offense meant, but today's proliferation of sexual immorality has led not only to broken marriages and shattered dreams but also turned good people into subtle or panicking control freaks, caused either by paranoia or trauma. Very, very, very sad!
In our constant search for perfection, because of the "void only God can fill" (Plumb in their song: GOD-SHAPED HOLE), we most oftentimes get attracted to a personality type very opposite ours. This is good, I think, since a good marriage must be complementary. The problem most probably begins when a person, already in a marriage, fails to understand his/her responsibilities in it.
Yes, as per cultural dictates there are obvious and defined responsibilities attached to a marriage - these are what we call the basic responsibilities of a husband and of a wife. The unique ones which are considered the most intricate and maybe delicate ones are discovered only little by little when a person is inside it. This discovery is mostly where the difficulties in a marriage begin.
Thus, when a married couple's foundation is not strong, these difficulties eat their marriage up slowly but surely. And their world begins to falter. The inability or unwillingness to understand and find the probable cause/s or anwer/s to the problem/s worsens the situation. Self-denial pushes a partner or both to look for new friendship/s outside of their marriage. And then one day they just find themselves already buried in their own ditch because today's effects of rampant moral degeneration has resulted different kinds of mutations out of our people, young or old.
When a marriage is supplementary, it is not easily shaken or threatened because there is always an open line communication and both partners understand each other, both in ways and language whether near or far from each other. But before all these, the bulk of the burden perhaps lies in the person's inadequacy of his/her self-knowledge or personality type, to be more specific.
Personality awareness is very important if we are to understand our self. Without it our efforts or changing for the better will be a "hit or miss" undertaking. And more often, than not, we miss. So we become desperate. Confusion sets in. Ever confused, we then become forever-changing people.. M. Scott Peck (author of THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED) has a nice description for us, "People of the Lie" (his book of the same title is very interesting).
The road map to life journey begins with my self or your self. There can never be an "us" before a "me", or a "we" before an "I". There can never be a union with another before a union with a self, because God is in each of us. Before we can commit to another (or to others) we must commit to God first by committing to our self. To begin with God always is the only right thing to do; for if we do not do the right thing from the very beginning nothing will ever be right.
But don't lose hope if you are in a not-right or a not-so-right situation right now. There is never a late with God. Start from where you are. Befriend your self so you can befriend your spouse. Pray.. Just don't quit. Hold on tight and hang in there. One day you are going to see and realize everything fell in its proper places.
I bid you goodbye, dearest friends, with my earliest (after my overhaul/transformation) reflection: "the tragedy is, we are so sick who will always seek for the same sick mate whose sickness fits ours to a T and produce more sick people." And the "sick cycle carousel (?)" continues. Lord, have mercy on us!
Sometime again...ciao.
