Saturday, December 11, 2010

LOVE IS A DECISON (But why lonely?)

Two months following the change of administration I was assigned in another office. This is one of the normal occurence when working in a government institution. But I am pleased, happy - is more like it, with the way things are because I finally found out that indeed WE ALWAYS BLOOM WHERE WE ARE PLANTED. (Of course, you know what I meant by saying that. Medyo matagal na rin naman kasi tayo'ng magkasama. Ka-dimalas man daw kon ngada yana diri pa ak niyo kilala.) [We've been with each other for quite a time already, it'd be strange if you don't know me by now.]


In this new office I chanced upon an officemate who, after our sort of slight argumentation, reminded me that "love is a decision" because he seemed to be in an "I-cannot-believe-you" state following my freezing cold answer regarding this shitty (pardon my word, please) "getting-back together just because you are husband and wife" thing. That is the biggest problem with people! They cannot leave other people with their own belief system. Akala nila sila lang ang marunong mag-isip. [They assume they're the only ones who know how to think!]

Later that week, I learned from his previous classmate, who is still close friends with him, that he and his wife frequently fight in a not so fashionable (aw, fashionable na ada yana. Hehe) manner - domestic violence kuno an tawag siton.

So, i thought of his reminder: "Love is a decision." I was for many times tempted to throw - "spit" siguro an mas naangay nga pulong - (Diyos ko, pasayloa ako!) back the reminder to him. But judging from the feedback I got from his long-time officemates, I decided it best to keep quiet.

As a point of reflection, I thought that maybe most of the people who remain in a sorry state remain that way up until now because they are proud to admit that they made a mistake when they made their decision.


I just finished reading the book PROPHECIES FOR THE NEW MILLENIUM by Elizabeth Clare Prophet. It spoke of love and brotherhood (generic)through self-mastery. Self-mastery to me is equated to Jesus' words in the Holy Bible: Seek first the Kingdom of God, without failing to notice that the Kingdom Jesus is referring to is our-self (the Kingdom in Heaven will come in His appointed time), following His Promise that He will be in each one of us.

Friends, check it out and be honest to yourself, maybe you, too, will see that what is causing your problem is that, "the decision to love" you made was done when you did not know what really love is all about.

But THERE IS HOPE, SO MUCH HOPE that you must just stay where you are. For as long as your current situation is not life threatening or you're not disobeying God's commandments, despite discomfort all of those uncomfortable feelings will soon banish and change forever if you just keep holding on to God. You see, acceptance is a first step to changing that what you would like to be changed. It is indeed only the TRUTH that shall set you free. The truth that you made mistake then; a mistake that you would like to correct now but that correction can only be made possible by God's healing grace.

Friends, if we are to live as brothers (and sisters) in Christ, we must all live under Grace. And it is very, very important to heal first before grace can be bestowed upon us. Dapat magsimula muna sa bawat isa sa atin ang pagbabago. Stay away from complaining, it won't get you anywhere. Begin the habit of loving until you have mastered it, for everything begins with the decision to start a good habit. Don't go mastering that which does not count for the salvation of your soul.

Remember: Our final destination is to be with God. If GOD IS LOVE, and He created us because He loves us, then we must also love (in its truest, purest sense) because it is the only means to be happy.

Hugs and kisses to you all! I LOVE YOU FOREVER! God bless!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

FATHER II

This Sunday, 20th of June 2010, we are to celebrate again Father’s Day. I miss the men of my life – my fathers!

By God’s grace, my seminarian son successfully finished his baccalaureate degree in Philosophy in a formation house located “upstairs” (that’s how we call it as our house is situated by the seminary’s foothill). A few months before graduation though he already told me he may not immediately go into Theology for two (2) reasons: first, he acknowledged that he needs to develop his public speaking and might decide to teach even just for a year therefore; and he wishes to further his formation in an institution that also teaches “Psychology in depth” (whatever he meant by that).

Yes, I was also surprised to know that there are still institutions that do not believe teaching seriously the science of human behavior can help. My nostalgic feeling associated with Father’s Day led me to think to probably find out if this has relation to the crisis faced by the clergy today (or is it only today ba?).

Just this morning before I wrote this, my officemates and friends told me my son made the right decision, after them telling me their sad, disappointing stories about some seminarians, or priests or pastors or lay ministers or nuns or the exes of them – meaning, an mga nag-quit na. Susko, Ginoo! In other words they are very downright frustrated why the supposed people who are “very near” God turned out more evil than those who are not. Reminds me of an ex-nun friend who exclaimed, right after getting out of a monastery: “kon makasasala didi sa gawas; mas makasasala sa sulod.” Bitter? Pinsar ko, because it is better I kept it to myself in order for us to remain friends.

Honestly? The psycho dynamic of man/woman is quite simple. And it applies for practically everybody. The main difference is our uniqueness because, as has been said, no two (2) individuals are exactly alike. The big problem is cowardice because of pride – the mother of all sins. So, the majority of us remain living dead – unaware of even his/her very self.

After reading Fr. Jocis Syquia’s EXORCISM, I fully understood the psychic world and the evil spirits’ unrelenting strategies to put off intending people’s pursuit to help evangelize for God’s greater glory by following Jesus Christ – the God-Man. And I had no iota of doubt about everything Fr. Jocis’ presentation of facts in his book. It is a very interesting book, a must-read. Thank you, Father!

Human language speaks differently, however. But yes, they are very closely connected. I read somewhere sometime: every inch of this world is claimed by God, and counterclaimed by Satan. To win the war as a child of God, we need only to straighten up and face our enemy: our very self! This has to be taken care of before we are unconsciously defeated by Satan who hides in our individual passions – money, sex, food, position, etc. The war is presented in either or all of these wrong passions versus the passion of the Christ.

I do not know if I am correct, but judging from my personal inventory psychology is the missing link to deeply understand our self, which self-understanding will eventually lead us in turn to understand others. Life teaches. We greatly learn hands-on, through our experiences. Most often though we choose to stay on what we consider the “safe side”. This is caused by our neurosis (please refer to my old articles). This neurotic lifestyle, manifested in our addictions to whatever our wrong passions are, crucified us by making our lives or living difficult. Kaya sabi ko awhile ago, living dead tayo – dead men/women living!

Balance is the way to find Heaven of Earth. Sa proseso daw na pagdaraanan para maging ministro o pastor o pari (however they are called) the great part is spent in learning about God. But because my understanding of God is very simple, that He is Love, I find the process (if it is true at all) rather difficult to reconcile.

Fact is, kung ang God very simple, tayo’ng mga nilalang N’ya ang opposite. Sabi nga, human being is a complex being. But what is it exactly that makes us complicated? To find the answer we need to search. But in searching we need to consult (in the words of Jesus Christ: confess your sins to one another). Dito dapat papasok ang humility dahil sabi nga, ”two (2) heads are better than one.”

Thing is, no one can be a jack of all trades. Our wish o kahit na dream of becoming so makes us one day realize that we became pala masters of none. That is why we need the help of others. This is the reason why we greatly need to heal. You see, we are sent back here on earth to learn what must be learned. And it is impossible to learn without getting healed first. When there is something that pains us, siempre pa, it’s difficult to focus, ‘di ba?

We need to see and submit to authorities experts on these matters, of healing (to explain to us the why's – the personal questions very unique in our life – to understand because when there are things/matters we do not clearly understand we will find it difficult what is there to repent about because many things are hidden to us by our pride. This is the first step. After this we ask to God for His mercy to grant us our need to be healed, for it is only when we are truly healed that psychosomatic unity happens. Until then we remain sick, with the affliction called “psychosomatic illness”. The big question is: kaya kaya natin ‘yan, lalo na kung nasa posisyong tinitingala na tayo ng tao at ini-enjoy na natin ang mga akala nating tunay na karangyaan o “entitlement” na kasabay nito?

The decision to remain an average/mediocre human being is a decision to remain in pride, thus, to decide na bumaba or be humble ay lubha’ng magiging mahirap, that without God’s help is impossible to do. That is why we need badly God’s help to arrive at this point. It is only in His Grace that we can be beyond human or superhuman, for that matter.

People, if they wish to serve the real God which is in Jesus Christ, need a strong psycho-spiritual foundation. There must, therefore, be a strong balance in studying both the God and the man (we) because we are both God and man. That is what Jesus came here for when He said: “I will be in each and every one of you.” It will be when He is already in us that we become superhuman. This is then the “point of no return” to the temptations of this world because we are already under the Law of Grace (Confraternity of Blood: MY WAY OF LIFE).

The way I look at things, I think it would be better to do the right thing early on while they – religious students – are yet in the formation process. Maybe the medical doctors’ advice, prevention is better than cure, can also apply here? What do you think, dear Fathers?

See you when I see you, friends…HAPPY FATHERS’ DAY, mga tatay, papa, daddy, ug iba pa! Salamat san pagpanginano san iyo tagsa nga pamilya. We pray for you. God bless you and everyone.

SEX EDUCATION: A SOLUTION OR DESTRUCTION?

I was horribly taken aback by the proposal of Sec. Cabral to introduce sex education in the kindergarten level (the very onset of their learning to mingle with others outside of the confines of their home)! Very much like the standpoint of the Catholic Church I am, of course, so opposed to it. I pray so hard to God the Secretary (of DSWD?) gains back her sanity so she could think more clearly regarding the issue at hand.

Sex is an erroneous translation of what love is. The error comes from a person’s emotional scars where the actual wound/s is/are kept inside. His/her emotional wound/s tells him/her to search for power, usually through sex, to somehow forget the pain associated with his/her wound/s. Sex then becomes a power play between individuals who commit it. This is exactly the reason why fornication is a grave offense.

To simply educate our young according to the scientific explanation of how a human being is formed is directly or indirectly awakening their curiosity. Sec. Cabral’s proposal is an irresponsible move because by so doing we will rob the little children of their innocence. Children are normally curious because of their hunger for knowledge. And isn’t it that curiosity kills a cat? How many “cats” do we have in that level? To introduce to them sex education is therefore, to me, a social injustice emanating not only from ignorance but mostly from lack of prudence.

There is a great need for children to remain children while they are. "Hayaan natin silang maglaro habang sila ay bata" (Apo Hiking Society). They must enjoy their childhood fully to contain their need of playfulness. If they are not, there will be strong tendencies for them to find the time to play when they are no longer kids. Baka maging mapagbigay sila sa ibang bagay at mauwi ang lahat sa paglalaro ng apoy. Joke! Pero ‘di nga ba’t ganyan ang mga nangyayari ngayon? Tanong ko lang: sa ganito din kaya nagsimula ang Sodom at Gomorra? Naiba lang nga kaya ang bersyon natin ngayon pero doon din tayo patungo? Diyos ko, ipag-adya Mo po kami!

Seriously however, I know personally the pain associated with losing this supposed playtime stage because by some misfortune or fate I was “thrust into adulthood too early and denied childhood along the way” (Gregory L. Jantz, Ph. D., HEALING THE SCARS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE). (Amin naman kam… diri man ak nanunukmat. Nahaharampangan la. Hehehe)

Time and time again we are reminded to go back to the basics of life – the basic truths: that God is love; that we are His creatures and He created us in His own image and likeness; and that we are here to love one another because the ultimate mission of our soul is to love. But because we do not like to take seriously the concerns of our soul due to the numerous demands of our flesh we fail to look at, consider more closely and understand in depth what the intricacies of love are.

Be that as it may, my point is, maybe it will work more effectively if instead of teaching our young sex education it will help more appropriately if we teach them na la the basics that are a must to living and/or leading fulfilled lives so we can live peacefully in this world with one another? Say for example, we introduce teaching them back the virtues of generosity, prudence, justice, temperance, and fortitude, kasabay ng nurturance that they may grow up as prayerful people.

Malay natin, by so doing we can hit two birds with one stone. Di nga ba’t sa habit formation nagsisimula ang lahat? If we do our best nga daw, God will do the rest. At ‘nga pala, ang teaching po sinasamahan po ‘yan ng matinding-matinding modeling para umepekto po. Credility is a great part of teaching, what I mean is.

Makakabaraka uraura to the max when people placed in strategic positions decide insensibly, on matters very delicate or sensitive, with utmost insensitivity. It is along this that I ask the Sick, (Ohwow! SORRY po, pero ganyan talaga tayo unless we call upon God to heal us, we remain sick kaya mali-mali ang mga desisyon at pananaw natin sa buhay), Sec. pala: is that decision of yours coming from your grossly failing to inculcate these virtues when you were growing up, na tumuloy-tuloy na in your adulthood? Nagtatanong lang po…’sensya na…

Every time I see or encounter old and supposed-to-be responsible people of this kind, I am always reminded how resentful I was, then, for the mess I’ve done with my young life all because there was no responsible adult to guide me on my way to adulthood (it was a relief though I was loved despite being messy). Until I reached the point where I realized that the blame game will also lead me nowhere did I stop being resentful. You see, we are the only ones responsible for our own lives. There is such a thing as “accountability age”. It is supposed to be our first taste of independence, and maybe the beginning of God’s time. Although I do not exactly know when is it coming. It varies. Depende san kada tagsa sa aton. Our intuition tells us.

With the spiritual strength I have gained as a “sinner saved by grace” (OUR DAILY BREAD; June 9), I am able to accept most of what happened and what are happening, and maybe even those that are yet to happen. But the fact remains the same that it is always frustrating when people in authority become the authors to the un-fateful events. (Sigh.)

Here’s hoping that we will have the same prayers to intend for the sake of our young in the hands of Sec. Cabral and the like-minded people na nasa pwesto. Let us pray collectively that the Heavens may grant our wish for the children who are “the HOPE of our motherland”. (Sigh, na liwat).

God bless His little angels! Love you, friends…!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

LOVE IS… (LOVE IS NOT…)

Greetings of peace and every blessing, friends!

The “Mary-month” of May is something very special to me for some personal reason and because it is when mother’s day is celebrated. Rightly enough mother’s day must be celebrated in accordance with our wholehearted devotion and respect for Mother Mary as she alone is the perfect mother worth of emulation.

After reading the book, Many Lives-Many Masters, I thought it unfortunate and unwise that the reincarnation thing was decided to be deleted (see previous article), until one day I saw a documentary on child pornography happening particularly in the third world countries. I felt saddest-to-the-bone when a young girl-victim was asked what she was currently doing after what happened to her. Her reply was: I am waiting for my next life.

“IGNORANCE is man’s greatest enemy.” (Contrary to what I read some time ago, it is not what saves us) – I was surprised when I read this in my son’s little book, My Way of Life, which according to him is the summary of Summa Theologica of St. Thomas Aquinas. My orientation based on my foundation of study informed me that fear is supposed to be our greatest enemy. Now, more than ever, I am greatly convinced it is ignorance (and I also believe that it is closely followed by both fear and desire. Thank you, St. Thomas!).

I do not exactly know, but it is my observation that the biggest burden in raising children in the midst of the numerous pressing demands that we are facing in this modern world is placed generally on the mothers. First of all, it is because of our natural nurturing attribute. Second of all, we have been given the gift of understanding which makes us a little more patient (especially with our kids) than our male counterpart. And last, because of our downright attitude of forthrightness. There are actually countless of traits that make us effective and affective leaders in our field as parent to our children, but these are foremost of those. So, CONGRATULATIONS MAMAS, MOMMIES, NANAYS (or however you are sweetly called by your good children)!

But don’t get carried away just as yet. I am not yet done. Let me go back to that poor innocent young girl-pornography victim I mentioned earlier. As it is every parent’s dream and intention to raise his/her child/children the best that they can be, we must then be equipped with the best tool/s to be able to do so.

Both my observation and experience tell me that even if all of us are endowed with the gift of knowledge (no matter the process of attainment – school based or out of it), if we have not been given the gift of wisdom, which only comes from God, we are bound for failure. Our human interpretation of any information will always fall short. And this is the saddest part of it. Maybe it was on the same mind frame then when Constantine’s mother, Helena, suggested for the deletion of the idea of reincarnation.

Everything in this world can be changed (at the very least for the good, if not yet for the better) through prayers, for everything comes from Him and of Him. The problem is we do not have enough Faith, or if we have, it is weak. Our weakness of Faith comes from our confusion because we fail to search for the right knowledge. We are largely a “giver-upper” (aw, asya ba?), sige “quitter” na la. And if I may add, we are also both narrow-minded and short-minded people. That is why we are naturally resistant to change. We choose to deny or reject to expand our horizon instead of open up to its great possibilities as God’s present/gift in His great love for us.

Despite the practicality of the idea of reincarnation, it is not (and never will be!) a simple lesson to teach or hand down to the young generation/s if it is simply understood in very human terms. Doing this is like giving them false hope. There is so much explanation that must come with it, if we are truly responsible elders.

Reincarnation is a larger or higher scope of what we call “vicious cycle”. And if we really and honestly care enough for the young we surely would not like them to suffer the ever- increasing sufferings that go along with the so-called climate change caused by our disrespect for mother Earth. Kasi palala lang nang palala ang ating tinatawag na environmental destruction despite positive interventions. And climate change is only one of the innumerable sufferings attached to live a lifetime. Madami’ng-madami po ‘yan. Kaya nga sinabi ko in one of my previous articles: “kung mahirap na nga ang mabuhay ngayon, papano pa kaya bukas (referring to another lifetime)?”

Our indoctrination of our children certain pieces of truth is a mediocrity, and in a greater degree, irresponsibility! Lessons must begin with the ultimate truth so that the ultimate end will be reached. For the ultimate end is also the ultimate truth. Remember the Alpha and the Omega?

Wala talaga’ng exact formula to ensure success in raising a child, all we can do is be the best that we can be, give the best that we can give, and through unceasing prayers in trusting our God, just HOPE for the best! Besides, success is very relative. This is what makes matters worse, in truth and in fact. Given these, in our love for our children maybe what is enough for us to do is raise them in balance between perpetuation and frustration. Androgyny is imperative to be able to this. So, I wish for you the best.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all of the dearest mothers out there! Long live! God bless everyone…!

THE NIGHTMARE THAT WAS ONDOY

Puzzled, it took a very long time for me to accept that I am a person who has been plagued, warned, protected, but above all, mentored by both my dreams and my nightmares. Now that I understood already what they are for, I take heed seriously every time. Although as of this writing I still sometimes have difficulty in deciphering them. When this happens though, the tendency for me is to wait by trusting and hoping for only the best, because pessimism kills. And it kills slowly, but always very surely.

The greatest nightmare yet that happened to us, Filipinos, was Ondoy. But instead of looking at it as a curse, let us look at it as a blessing-in-disguise where so much can be learned from. Considering, however, the death toll and the effecting displacement of people I know that this is very hard to do, impossible even.

For the past months I had been reading a book which was given to me by a dear old friend I haven’t been able to hear from for a long time now. The book talked about his (the author’s) personal interpretation of the Book of Revelation in the Holy Bible. In its first few pages I was having hesitations to finish it because I considered myself a consciously faithful follower of the Judeo-Christian teachings which focuses on forgiveness, acceptance, and respect.

My hesitations led me one time to take notice of and finally see the program offered by HISTORY Channel titled: GOD VS. SATAN (The Final Battle). It explained of the same likewise. But the program presented different translators as resource speakers for the presentation. They all presented the same probable scenarios as interpretations of the Book of Revelation which were all but frightening and scary for the Faithful, and every reason to tremble for the faithless people.

The following morning, as my young-mother officemate (who I consider one of those adopted daughters of mine) were talking about the program she asked me: “0o, ano? Kay nano sugad siton an iba na relihiyon? Sobra nira ginpo-focus an ira evangelization sa Book of Revelation.” I said: “Tingale tungod kay magtig-a man gud an mga ulo naton. Ug mag-itum an aton mga kasingkasing. (“Spare the rod, spoil the child.” stategy!?)” Which is another way of saying, we deserve probably to be threatened na in order to wake up and heed God’s call before it is too late.

But if we consider closely, mukhang patungo na nga tayo sa sinasabing “end times” as claimed by different interpreters. Climate change is a tangible indication of which. The analysts claimed that we had been badly devastated by Ondoy because we were not prepared for disasters of that kind. Sa unang dinig maniniwala tayo, kasi sa mga “bright boys” natin nanggaling ang assessment na ‘yan, e. Lalo pa nga’t third world country tayo na palagi na lang napag-iiwanan ng kabihasnan. Pero dahil di pa din naman tayo gaanong kabobohan, bandang huli maiisip natin ang Katrina ng Estados Unidos. USA, needless to say, is the most powerful country, politically speaking. At tatanungin na lang natin ang sarili natin (dahil wala namang patutunguhan kung makikipag-argumento tayo sa mga taong meron ding mga isyu): “Were the Americans also prepared for it?”

The truth, my friends, is NOTHING WILL EVER PREPARE US for calamities and un-fateful eventualities that we directly or indirectly caused. Lahat ng mga ito ay ibinabalik lang sa atin. Nature is in itself balance. That is why it will always survive. It is very flexible. Tayong mga tao ang hindi. Di tayo balanse at di tayo flexible. We must take our cue from nature. We should be ashamed of our selves. We are the ones who were given the gift of a thinking brain which made us the highest form of God’s creation, yet look at us?

Benjamin Franklin said: “Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.” We have seen so much destruction done to our Mother Earth, if we compare today from the yesteryears – to the golden years of our Mother Earth when she was young and respected. Al Gore’s presentation has a chilling effect on anybody who saw his documentation. Pero patuloy tayong nagbubulag-bulagan at nagbibingi-bingihan. Kaparte pa din lahat yan ng pagiging rebelde natin. We have remained prodigal sons and daughters. Kelan ba talaga tayo babalik sa Kanya?

I am a very strong believer of a metaphysical world. I believe that Elijah and Mother Mary did not physically die, but that they were taken away (physical and all) by God to a safe place where they rightfully belong. They deserve the kindness they got because of their unwavering Faith. God always protects His Faithful Children. He did the same to Noah.

Noong bagu-bago ipinakikita sa TV sets natin ang mga video clips (particularly that one of Channel 2 where there was a group of people on the roof na inaanod which caught countless merciful hearts worldwide) naiiyak ako for those poor souls. Ngayon, di ko na ma-qualify kung ano dapat ang maramdaman ko. Nalulungkot ako for the victims and at the same time naiinis din. Tigas naman kasi ng mga ulo natin! To simplify my issue, I resolve to always go back to what always works: PRAYER. Your Will be done, Father!

When we physically die daw, we just shift location (others call it a “crossover”) – to also where we belong – because there is no actual death naman daw talaga. Sabi nga, everything in time and space is a lie. All the truth is found only in the metaphysical plane. It is the destination which we must work hard to prepare in order not to fail.

Here’s hoping you pass the preparation not to fail, friends. Good luck! God bless.

ICONOCLASM VERSUS THE DARK ONE

The weekend before I wrote this, I made a very drastic and radical decision and pushed myself to the limits that were set by the culture where I belong. Before plunging though, I made sure I got the approval of the people that matter to me the most – my kids.

In my youth I had always viewed myself as the “prodigal daughter”, most probably partly because I was not formally introduced to any religion and because I was raised a spoiled brat, being a father’s pet and the apple of the eye of everyone in the family having arrived in a perfect time where my siblings were already grown ups.

Needless to say then, I carried my stubbornness even when I was taken in by the Franciscan Friars. For example, I was supposedly expected to be observant of the practices of people living in a convent such as attend mass regularly, be attentive to prayer time schedule, etc. I was everything but these. I was so full of myself the only thing that mattered to me then was whatever made me happy. It was only a few years ago I realized they all formed part of my defense mechanisms for the pains I suffered inside.

But the beauty that is brought about by the people of my adolescence is what I thank God the most: those ever-patient souls provided me the kindest understanding and immeasurable tolerance in search of my freedom. They loved me without conditions.

Yeah, sure…I also suffered from loose talks as ill effects of my not-so-acceptable behavior, by standards of our mediocre society. But these are just normal tendencies. People will always talk. Nobody can prevent anybody of his/her own opinion, much less air it. Everyone has certain entitlements. We should just better brace ourselves for such storms and instead look and examine our self, kasi people’s tongues naman will not wag kung wala tayong ginagawang mali. We should not be onion-skinned. If we are that, me mali nga talaga sa atin. People always love to talk about people because gossiping daw is a free entertainment. Wala nang bayad, nakakaaliw pa. Kahit na magkaminsan ay nakakabaliw din. Ginoo ko, Diyos ko! Besides, they like to gossip because meron din silang mga mali at mga sekreto sa buhay na pilit nilang tinatakpan at itinatago. Tsismis is called “projectionism” daw in psychology.

Anyways, when I made my decision for a big U turn – a complete 180 degrees one – I thought of becoming obedient. For quite awhile it worked for me like magic. But then again lately, because I found myself perplexed of that decision I made a huge radical step forward. And I found myself an iconoclast once more.

“The most difficult time is not when nobody understands you; it is when you don’t understand yourself.” This is a passage presented to me by a friend, who she claimed was sent to her through the internet by some friend she has not met personally yet. And it is along this line where I cross the barrier, so I sealed and vowed to push through with my decision.

Back then when I was young the only thing I cared about protecting was my virginity – genital virginity, that is. I did this in my promise to myself that the best gift I could offer my future husband was my being a virgin (to the max ang kababawan ng understanding ko before of life and everything). This self-promise came shortly after I accidentally overheard of a prominent couple in my hometown arguing over the husband’s sexual infidelity with a prostitute. The wife was bitterly screaming on top of her lungs over the affair because she felt not only slighted but very insulted as she was then holding an executive position in a certain educational institution. I was shocked when I heard of the angry accusing reply of the husband: “Kay nano ikaw, malimpyo ka san kakuha ko sa imo?”

Although I have not regretted, to this day, that self-promise (because it saved me during my marital affair’s end times) I realized now that virginity bears a rather broad definition to it. That virginity must begin in our minds really. Not just down there in our vajayjay, girls…! And most of all we must be virgins in our hearts, boys…! When we are pure/virgins in both our mind and heart, we will act accordingly. And not hurt anybody. What is in-between our ears must prevail over what is in-between our legs dapat. Excuse me, pero wala naman kasing pinagkaiba ang lalaki sa babae. Our culture is just very paternal kaya ang alibi na “walang mawawala sa lalaki if he decides to go sexing around” has been tolerated. It is a very ridiculous justification actually, and an injustice to women (although I still maintain my unpopular conservatism on chastity and modesty).

Infidelity in human relationships is a very, very big and serious issue because that is mainly the purpose why we are sent back here in this planet– to learn about it (human relations) and be able to act it.

Our failure to understand what marriage is all about is the preparation to marital conflicts and collapse. Quite frankly, if we try hard to look at what is happening all around us we are going to see sado-masochistic marriages which are sooo many. They are just not evidently observable because our simple understanding of sado-masochism involves physical and/or verbal abuse only. Added to that is the fact that we do not actually live with these people and thus, we are unable to know the goings on inside their house 24/7. But if we try to just care listening to them, especially their woes, we will know. The million-dollar question is: do we have the time and ability, especially, to listen?

I have read somewhere na ang dalawang tenga daw natin pag pinagtagpo ay korteng puso. Being that, the best gesture of love daw that we can give is to listen. In listening we give them the whole of our heart. It is by listening that we expand our knowledge, patience, and understanding.

Following my crazy decision (details are off limits though) I found absolutely nothing wrong with my being an iconoclast. What will make things wrong for me is when I leave my God on the sidelight. It is when I do that that I will become a sociopath – the dark one. At ‘di ko ever pinangarap ‘yan. Just as, ‘di ko din naman inambisyon maging santa.

Iconoclasm is opening our self to the universality of things. Or the breaking away from the chains that bind us – the rules – which can be found mostly in our belief systems that were handed us from generation to generation. The opposite of iconoclasm is to be a sociopath which is, yes, has pretty much the same characteristics. The big difference lies in the matter that when you are a sociopath you don’t care about hurting people. It is because of insensitivity (due to selfishness) that you inflict pain on your brethren. When you are an iconoclast you have no intention to hurt other people at all even if you have chosen to live by what you believe in.

Iconoclasm produces independence. It is in real independence where a person can truly be interdependent – because it is in interdependence alone where there can truly be interconnectedness. An iconoclast is very sensitive to the needs of his/her fellow human beings. Acceptance and respect are his/her basic traits because he/she is already in Love or in God’s grace, and his/her understanding is expanded as a result of his/her consistent thirst in search for knowledge. Because of all these (Love, understanding, and knowledge) he/she chooses to live by continuously discovering the frontiers which were so long hidden from him/her through human interventions – mostly by the people who played God.

The following I found in a largely bounded book, whose price I cannot afford (kay mayaman na ak unta, kwarta na la an kulang! hehehe... sa human language iton. It’s really bliss which makes people rich…and bliss can only come from awareness or superconsciousness), and is a foreword of Thomas Moore (author of CARE OF THE SOUL and SOULMATES – HONORING LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS): “it has become painfully clear, ‘remote spirituality’ has little or no impact on the way we live as a society. People go to religious services and yet continue to pollute, take excessive profits, encourage wars, oppress, forment political division, maintain radical injustice, and promote their moralistic agendas (sic) at the expense of a deeply moral responsiveness to a world in trouble. It’s time to bring spirituality home, close to the heart and essentially connected to ordinary life.”

My iconoclastic ideas are part of my belief system. My heart is the source of this system. And I listen to my heart more than anything in the world because it is, as I said, the heart of my soul! My heart is what makes me. People can say things about me – whether those things they say about me are good or bad, I don’t really care (remember yet the “blessings and blessings-in-disguise”?). If they talk about me, thank you, I let it be. That is their problem. And their problem is theirs alone. They do not form part of me. What I really care about is what my God will say about me, period. End of argument. (chos, para namang me nakikipag-argue! hehe)

Harinawang matutunan sana natin ang mapusong pakikinig sa kapwa natin. Listening to people is feeling for them. A joy shared daw is double joy; just as sorrow aired is half sorrow. Listen without interrupting, guys, because that is what is needed at times. We learn so much when we do that and we develop patience as well. Patience is virtue.

Love you, sweet friends…! God bless…! See you all sometime again.