i wrote this after crying so hard for the boy who jumped to his death because of a💔.
Pope Francis has issued a statement already about the moral righteousness of a divorce, i respect and honor that because he is correct in his decision/s as he always is. In fact he is the only pope fit for this era, i think. But, as my young dearly loved friend and i, continue to discuss on the matter of the divorce controversy i continue to hold on to my stand being against it.
"Life Teaches" was the print of a white over-sized shirt gifted to me back in the 90's. Maybe if i had not been from an experience of getting free, from a hellish marriage of 23 agonizing years, through a church nullification and afterwards civil annulment, i might have been a pro-divorce advocate also. Pero nga kasi i had to find ways to set me free (ayaw ng ex-husband, when i prayed for the help of his lawyer best friend na cousin ko, at bagkus ay nagalit pa daw dahil pinangingialaman s'ya. Very typical for a boy, who pretends to be a man, to have his cake and eat it, too. kalurkey!) and i was set free naman, salamat sa Diyos!🙏
Our life experiences and translations/interpretations of them are a great part of what make us unique from one another, thereby making the phrase "no two individuals are exactly alike. Not even an identical twins." true. When i was in the nullification process, i had with me a case at that same time whose basis for the nullification was psychological. At matagal na s'yang living-in with his partner. It pained them both not to be able to partake during communion rite in Holy Masses, lalo't may mga edad na rin. My basis nga pala was technical deformity. Sana kasi early kong nalaman ang sinabi ni Carl Jung about synchronicities. Talk about hard-headedness!😏(tama nga si Rick Price in his song title na ONLY HEAVEN KNOWS)
i still stand believing doon sa sinabi ng isang lawmaker na "we have enough, even maybe more than enough laws, na kailangan lang i-implement ng mabuti at maipaliwanag ng wasto sa publiko." So, feeling ko, why do we need pa more? i was also a battered wife then sa lahat ng aspeto: economic, psychological, physical, name everything there is. Nakalabas naman ako. If i did it, others also can.
Looking back, however, i realized that i really had to go through all those that i went through because i have a long task ahead of me. Living in here is definitely not about our age. Not how long we live, but how we conduct our lives to be able to sincerely contribute sa kung anuman ang pinagdaanan ko na pwede'ng makapagpabago ng pananaw ng iba for their own sake also, especially for their freedom.
At eto na nga, ginulantang ulit ang medyo mahimlay ko ng damdamin ng nakakalumong pagtalon ni Liu sa Shibanpo Yangtze River Bridge, whose body was found 12 days later pa. He jumped on April 11, this year. This got me crying all over again because i have a pressured-cooked heart for the young.
Flash back: after failing my marriage, i was trying so hard helping me get myself back not only for my children but for me mostly, as "i cannot give them what i do not have." ('yan kaya ang guiding principle ng mga katulad ko?), nang tiempo namang nagkahiwalay din ang anak ko at ang girlfriend n'ya since high school. "When it rains, it really does pour!" Nanadya ang panahon ng bonggang-bongga. i had to accompany him in his healing journey because sino pa nga ba? Meron pa bang iba? Eldest son ko nga pala s'ya. i would later learn, years after, na the cause of the break up was maternal intervention. In this 3-dimensional world, it would seem to me that most of what comprise us as One people (supposedly) is a hedonist attitude where money is god.
Nineteen years later, eto na naman, umulit s'ya: my third son and his lawfully-wedded wife separated due again to hedonism, leaving their only child with us (salamat sa Diyos may isang kaluluwa na posibleng mabago as "it is easier to raise a child than a broken man.") Sama ulit sa takbo ng buhay ng nangangailangang anak. But this one, because he is a "seeker", i was just so glad he intently listened to my inputs on human dynamics and psycho-kinesiology uniquely according to him and the estranged wife. Later on, when he was already able to maneuver back his own life, i dealt with his kid. We are living in this house na practically all the 4 of us are under a Leo sign, so one can only imagine the chaos kung pagbibigyan ang temperament ng bawat-isa under an ego-drive because of its ignorance! Kaya pala walang puknat ang "pagtawag" sa akin para mag-aral ng kung anu-ano in every possible ways that i can so i will understand. Praise God.
Liu's death was, more than my experience with my sons, i feel i can relate more because i was very young when i was heartbroken, too. Personal ang epekto more or less. First loves bring the deepest cut. But more so for Liu because he invested in a lot of very, very hard-earned money na mas kailangan sana ng naghihirap din n'yang pamilya (as revealed by his sister later). Woe unto him/her who cannot survive a first cut. But a great promise naman to who can. Laban lang sana.
Pero when one is born in a society where practicality is not balanced with spirituality, lalo naman when there is an absence of a support system inside a family, na pinalala pa ng self-controlled vulnerability, i can just cry for you so hard na hindi na ako magtatanong kung bakit. Kasi lahat pala tayo, when merged with divinity na ang pananaw sa pagmamahal, ay magmamahal na lang ng kusa kahit na anupaman. Undertanding is indeed a gift.
The 3D definition of Love will get anybody wasted in the end, i tell you all, guys, as it is only Love's divinity that won't wear off. Understand Love more in the context of the God inside you. Don't rush. Wait. i repeat: Solitude heals. You will know that in your heart. Promise.
Until sometime again, precious ones. Ciao.😘💕
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