In one of my infrequent visits, as part of our symbiotic relationship, to a junk shop owned by my nephew and his wife, I saw a February 2005 issue of The Reader's Digest. Browsing over it, i found an article under "Love Secrets" most intriguing and interesting. It is titled, "The Science of a Happy Marriage".
Personally affected by the ill effects brought about by sad and blown-up marriages since childhood, I went over the article with gusto. I read it one, two, three times. It was very interesting. I planned about giving it a serious thought when I get home, I thought.
For its background, Michael Gurian, the article's author, offered four (4) stages in marriage namely: romance, disillusionment, power struggle, and awakening. The following are my thoughts about this article: I personally realized that these are the very same stages we all go through individually, in our family (read books about family romance), and in our friendships. We just might not have noticed having had too many preoccupations to attend to.
Conclusively then, I would say that maybe our main fault in an unsuccessful marriage lies in our failure to find, befriend, and relate with our self first. If we are to be really honest about it, the majority of us married for the wrong reason/s. The many of this majority were so caught with the promise of "romance". Me? I had a web of wrong reasons. Read our back issues again and you will remember. We are who and what we are today because of the past, and we will become who and what we are in the future because of the present.
Marriage is a very serious matter. It becomes more so because of the children who come along in effect. And if we focus on the demography alone for failed marriages it would be a tremendous disaster because failed/unsuccessful marriages are countless and are mostly suffered in "silence" - where the couples agree verbally or non-verbally to stay together "for the sake of the children".
Is it really for their sake or for our own? How much longer are we going to prove instead of improve? For every sad marriage as such the innocent children are held hostage. They suffer the most and manifest their suffering in whatever ways they can. Then we condemn them because we see so much disrespect. What's with us "grown ups"? It is us who disappoint me most and much really!
I wrote this with a very heavy heart because of compassion for every kid caught in between. And I pray real hard that every parent (biological or not) sees reality as it must be seen. I really believe that in whatever arena "a battle can only be sweetly conquered or won by understanding".
When I say this piece of word, understanding, please do not equate this with consenting or disproportionate submission. It is seriously about in-depth understanding which must begin with self-introspection - seeing our self objectively from the viewpoint of our sinfulness as fallen people.
Take away that pride! Go beyond being human! Sympathy is not enough, empathy is. Remember that for every failed marriage there is no real victor, there are only real victims.
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." - (Philippians 2:4). Let us love and pray for ourselves for our children's sake!
God bless everyone.
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