Today's issue I would like to dedicate lovingly to my father who must have really loved me purely. He was a cool father who was considerate but not at all consenting. He was a "dream father" every daughter would wish for. This was the father of my childhood. Likewise, i would like to dedicate this issue to the fathers of my adolescence, Rev. Gabriel Bertos, OFM, and the late Rev. Regis Burzynski, OFM. These are the great people of God for whom i will always be grateful because they gave me faith, hope, and love by merely accepting me and letting me be. Lastly, this goes as well to my big-hearted benefactor, Alois Thoma, who never gave up on my formal education. THANK YOU, FATHER for these great men You sent me! (You rained men on me but i chose to look the other way. Forgive me!)
Indeed, God uses people to shape us up in many ways. They come in all forms, both blessings and blessings-in-disguise. But definitely it is in our own family where our personhood is greatly influenced first. The other cultures come next but they bear considerable effects also in our formation as human beings as we go from one stage to another.
My childhood was spent with a very Hispanic-oriented mother, having been raised in one as well. She was strict and controlling both in ways nice and not-so-nice. But i loved her yet, maybe because theirs was the only family i got (and at least they took me in) and i had no choice anyways. "Forgiveness is the only way to go" and i say that with conviction!
Very opposite my childhood, my adolescent years were spent in freedom, understanding and trust, courtesy of the Franciscan environment with the special participation of Rev. Regis Burzuynski, OFM.
Comparatively speaking, therefore, I experienced what i will jokingly call "hell and heaven" in my young life.
Now, in my adult life as a parent, i could not help but empathize with the young and reflect how ironic we, parents, could really be. We profess our belief in God our Father, who trusted in us completely, but here we are distrusting our children. Could it be because, despite God's trust in us, we have not truly learned to trust ourselves?
I often hear grown (not necessarily "grown up") people say, "no one parent intends to harm his/her child. Every parent only wants the best for him/her." Amazing statement! Every time i'd hear that I would like to puke.
There's this American priest-author who wonderfully crafted the ill-effects of controlling parents. He says that most parents often employ what he calls "sweet domination" over their children. This is a kind of control hidden in the guise of love or concern by making their children feel needed or by being very sweet and loving parents. Underneath though is a selfish motive because of different reasons such as loneliness, fear of old age, etc. etc.
The great percentage of people grew up engulfed in sweet domination, sweet seduction or sweet manipulation, or in the worst climate of injustice, hatred, rejection, oppression, harassments, abuse, etcetera, or the sad "in-between", where parents were physically present but were treating their children in complete animosity by being cold, distant or neglectful - othertimes hidden in permissiveness or tolerance. Any of these caused our loss of freedom. In all likelihood we grew up rebelling through our uncontrollable actions or passive suppression. So we constantly wear different facades to hide our pain. We lost our true identities as God intended for us to be. We live up to being absolute descendants of Adam and Eve. Maybe even worse! We became replicas of our parents, became the opposite gender called "third sex", or ended up marrying their (our parents) kind. Ever confused, failing to find our true self, we treat and train (either consciously or unconsciously) our children the same way our parents did us.
This vicious cycle goes on and on until we decide to break it off. And then we are faced with the big question "HOW?"!
Reaching midlife was a hundred times more difficult than the transition phase i had in adolescence. If it was hard then, it was hardest this time. My personal thoughts on midlife therefore, is this: it maybe is God's last call/attempt to wake us up, after His countless efforts in our youth, and notice His great love for us by finding our true self which is the only way we could be free. Midlife is the time to finally find our balance, our androgyny.
This realization must have hit me hard that I did a lot of praying, rewinding, reading, and thinking. For the first time i took to seeing me seriously, honestly and clearly. And what did i find out? "i was ashamed at how i wasted my life!" I played along with other people's games. After much contemplation i decided to put a STOP to all of it and looked every problem in the eye. Crisis comes from a Greek work "krisis" which, according to the book - INTIMACY WITH GOD, means "decision time". Feeling that i might be losing time and i was pulling my children down with me I had to decide fast and do something.
Our series of rebellion must have caused us various confusions resulting to a multitude of unresolved issues involving our past, present, and future. All these unresolved issues gave rise to problems on unforgiveness, vulnerability, or hopelessness manifested in different forms of addictions, later on escalating into obsessions.
Knowing exactly where i was situated, i begun to reformat my life. I rearranged my values which i found out was very badly arranged. i started basically from within me. All the rest followed but always, always in God's loving guidance.
Having resolved everything in my life, i truly believe that today's greatest challenge for us parents, educators, and adults is the "rescripting the lives of our younger generations". And the only way to do this is to begin with rescripting or rewriting our very own first.
Alan Loy McGinnis, in his book THE FRIENDSHIP FACTOR", exposed his findings which is very sad. He found out that the biggest problem of the youth today is "not finding adult friend" to talk to sensibly. Seemed to me like we have a shortage of people who can be appropriately described as "adults".
Let us be friends to our youth by being friends with our self. Let us find and hold our heart again. It is by doing this alone where we can leave "love legacy" and not perish without finding "heaven on earth". Let us set our young generations free and trust them by freeing and trusting our self. And the time to do it is now. Nothing is late in love.
Here is Sarah Teasedale's words of wisdom to ponder: the only responsibility we have for the young is to give them "roots to stand firm and wings to fly"!
God bless...
1 comment:
People should read this.
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