Just as soon as my seminarian son came down from the seminary (our house is situated at its foot) this Christmas break he immediately prodded me to read Pope Benedict XVI’s encyclical letter, DEUS CARITAS EST. I am quoting him, on page 40, in today’s topic:
“…if in my life I fail completely to heed others, solely out of a
desire to be devout and to perform my religious duties, then my
relationship with God will also grow arid. It becomes merely
proper, but loveless.”
Let me tell you of an experience involving my apostolate with the young, following Dr. Jose Rizal’s belief that our youth is the hope of our motherland. There was this one boy who I was initially drawn close to. He seemed a good boy that I overlooked the details that I am particularly meticulous about. It is normally in the details that I determine probabilities of a person. He acted and talked nice. So I was immediately smitten by his charm.
One summer night he arrived at our doorstep and excitedly told me of his meeting a very fine man who showered him with gifts in that instant. He said, it was hard to believe that there could be a man so goodhearted as him. I said, now you know that there still are. All you need to do to repay him is to pray for him that he be spared from the opportunists who come by the thousands these days, I added some more. And then later on when it is your time to help you can repay him by paying forward the kindness that he showed you, I continued.
I was all faith in telling him those I must have misjudged the moment. Maybe he was too engrossed with his own elation he did not hear actually anything I told him. A few months after, because he was taken in by that fine man to be considered and treated his own son, his true color surfaced slowly but very surely. Alas, I found out I was duped again! The thing is I could be so honest and so trusting to a fault. Nevertheless, I do not regret every opportunity that came my way. My tatay, Rev. Rod San Jose, OFM, had it in his sent message to me: No mistakes in life. Only lessons.
Today, as I continue to understand how he must have been shaped to be like that (a wolf in a sheep’s clothing) I begin to strengthen my belief that life is pretty much an “interplay” of so many, many things. This interplay causes the mysteries that are so plentiful in human life. Even those that I have discarded already I must get back and review to understand further this boy’s very cunning attributes.
I see and feel so much disaster in the future should his much-too-skewed personality continue to flourish. This kind is too dangerous to deal with because to really know what he really is and how he operates will take a very, very long time. For the most, this type’s real self is never found out. The object of his victimization is often left shattered in the end, although he neither goes unhurt. People of this kind are very unhappy and they will remain in their un-fateful state of unhappiness unless they decide to change and find their real honest-to-goodness self. In the words of Jesus Christ: THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.
I am amused at how I’d been victimized by this boy when almost half of my earth-life (as I wrote this) was spent with exactly the same kind of a person. Di na talaga ako natuto! I am amazed at how I could really get both gaga and boba sometimes. Sus, Ginoo!
As I see him today, I continue to pray for him but prefer to keep my distance. I do not believe in giving my services to someone who does not voluntarily calls for me and requests me for a personal check and balance. I believe more on letting God proceed with whatever His plans are. Pride is a big thing for people of this kind. Usually this is unconsciously their main drive for later on attaining for themselves the other capital sins, of course, to their own detriment. I pity the people who they come in contact with and become their innocent victims. The best that I can do is pray for the both of them.
I feel the warmth of my tears as they roll down my cheeks while I am writing this. I have come to love dearly and honestly his victim of the moment. Seeing myself in him when I was yet in the same situation gets into my system and I relive the pain again. God bless these souls!
I do not know how to end this. Except maybe by telling you to please, please get to know the real man or woman you are with. We can only do that by means of getting to know our real self, first. It is in knowing our authentic self (the one that is created in the image and likeness of God; the one who is living Christ in him) that we can hold our heart. We must hold our heart because we can never go wrong if we follow it. Please don’t make decisions too hastily. Wait. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Some people are just being proper, they do not actually live in love. Ayaw na gad pauwat, sangkay!
My prayers for you. Ciao.
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