My nieces and nephews are the best relatives God gave me. Even if we seldom see each other, we have kept the fire aflame in our hearts. Although there are no specific special dates to look forward to, which are typical in very closely-knit families, we are always overjoyed by each other’s company. Thrilling at exciting ang chikahan portion, especially with the girl-bonding sortie.
That one moment though is different from the rest. It is still vivid in my memory how I got so affected by the news concerning our young and beautiful cousin, as told by my nieces. It is not her death that got me despite its being a little early, but rather the unfortunate story behind it.
She was married at a very young age to her handsome and popular classmate. Their families have long-standing disagreements over something our generation knew nothing about because it was not considered for discussion. We have got so much respect for decisions of the olds that we just went with whatever their wishes are. The “tradition” lived on. 'Til this day, these families remained the “best of enemies” in our hometown. And I bet, it will go on for a long, long time. Only God knows what the effects of our negative culture that is “amoral familism” will bring the future generations. Ang alam ko lang, pasama ito nang pasama.
As is often the case, the boy went woman-crazed not too long after the marriage. They already had three (3) little children when the worse turned for the worst. He went to the ultimate high of irresponsibility when he left his family for the young girl he was crazy about. No problem, the society who is a spectator from the outside would later on judge, as “a man loses nothing when he does womanizing or philandering as he can always go back to his family after the good time”. That is how paternal our people are. I gently bow my head in my perfect confusion.
Scorned, my cousin chose “rebellion” as but a befitting reaction. She embraced every opportunity to be “happy” by drinking, disco hopping, etc. She practically went for whatever ride (she even went to her craziest when she also picked a man up, a man she barely knew) just to make her probably forget - or get even. The real reason remained in her heart, which she carried to her grave shortly after. I cannot describe how her pain affected me. The real cause of her death was mind-boggling.
Two (2) or three (3) years after that event, I would see the young woman her husband had taken to replace her. I don’t remember having problems with seeing the woman. I was, I think, emotionless, having been exposed to the same scandal since I was a kid. So I thought that it was just one of those and that, therefore, it was not such a big deal. What bothered me was the man’s family’s decision to let the girl also live with them in their house. Even if I already knew that amoral familism gets too off-balance more often in our society, what I discovered still sent me shivers. Could it be because I am a direct bloodline also of the other party?
In as far as my cousin’s personal decision to also carry an illicit affair, just to prove, haunted me to this day. This has caused me to think deeply and consider my womanhood more seriously more than ever. It was always said that, the most fortunate people are the people who learned from the mistakes of others, rather than they committing them. Maybe I would like to learn from her.
In my observance and acceptance that I am but a human being, I am also fully aware that, anytime I am bound to fall for the same natural phenomena as part of our human nature. And because it is my resolve not to live a life of hypocrisy I firmly promised me to watch over me and my every move. We have got to police our own self. Nobody can live our life for us. It would be a tremendous disaster if we do that because we are forever in search of a real happiness. Authentic happiness is very elusive. It can only be achieved when we live our life in peace. Peace of mind from a peaceful heart is crucial to having it.
It is my hope and fervent prayer that I please my God by being honest to myself first before the others as He created me a woman; that when I finally meet the “someone” (if I am meant to be according to His Will), I’d be ready to live in love with him. A woman is born a woman and must decide and act like a woman should be. Mother Mary showed us the perfection of being a woman and she is our eternal hope. Beware of false role models because the world is filled with frauds already. Be observant. Read between lines. Find your own identity, then, be yourself.
Hope, because it is the best that we can do. It is by hoping and praying that we can change. If we stop hoping the world will ultimately die, as it is already dead by the frauds that are in it. I don’t know if this will help you but sometime in my past it did me. I am referring to Voltaire’s quotation that said: “when everything is lost including HOPE, life becomes a disgrace and death a duty.”
Treat yourself right, woman - and God will bless you!
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