Fresh from a heart break, I am at a loss – as if suffering from a mental block – about what to write about. Suddenly my mobile phone beeped and there goes my friend. I met him not too long ago but we instantly developed an amazing kind of friendship that up to this day we argue about who is the “kuya” or the “ate” between us (he is a year younger than me, though), who never fails to amuse me with his greetings of love. Honest-to-goodness people are truly God’s treasure He sent among us to cheer us up, even in our deepest trouble, as His proof of His unending love for us. They are our real-life superheroes who always save our day in realistic ways.
The very first time I chanced upon Kamikazee Band performing their Narda song over MYX Channel, nailing ako sa tuwa sa lyrics nito. Our hunger for superhero-like people is escalating every second. We are God’s superheroes as His greatest miracle (remember Og Mandino’s book of the same title?) but we stubbornly choose to deny us.
In one of the pleasant conversations we (me and the friend I mentioned above) had, we recounted our individual struggles before reaching this joyous spiritual stage. Eventually we arrived at different anecdotes on “admirers” – who come in different styles: either nice or irritating. We were probably on unspoken agreement to find effective strategies to be rid of unimportant matters. We laughed loudly and enjoyed the thought of a strategy to wear shirt with a strong message in print to discourage unnecessary flirts. I said, mine will carry the words: “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT”, or I’m NOT interested!”. I got him. But he toppled mine with his. In front daw nakasulat “TAKEN”, at the back “…FOR GRANTED”.
Seriously now, what about you? Who took you for granted, when you were a kid, in favor of someone or something? Maybe, just maybe, it’s actually what’s driving you mad to endlessly prove to the world your worth. Unknown to you, though, you might probably be filling-in a so-called “recognition hunger” (Thomas Harris: I’M OK, YOU’RE OK) as a carry-over since childhood.
Friends, when we do not know how to treat people properly, the issue or problem is not about other people. Tayo mismo ang isyu o problema. Nobody has been spared of a childhood wound, ever! Look back. Think. Dig deeply. Then choose to forgive. Heal.
Frankly speaking, (I’m going to get the ire of the many for doing this but I have to) our childhood wounds were mostly caused by our parents or the elders of the environment we grew up into. We just pushed them aside inside our head because we were repeatedly told to love them, for Charity begins at home – which is totally fine. It is very correct, in fact.
The problem is, up until the time we have grown to be adults (supposedly) we were not informed that we have to be in touch with our “home-base” first. We cannot effectively love the people inside our home without it. Our home-base is our self. We can get in touch only with our own self by reconciliation through forgiveness.
We have to initially and importantly forgive our parents or any elders because, believe me, THEY RAISED US THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE ACCORDING TO THEIR LIMITED KNOWLEDGE which were handed to them by responsible people who raised them also. Kaya nga history repeats itself lang at vicious cycle palagi ang buhay. Until we choose to breakaway from the cycle realizing that it’s not doing us any good anyway.
Forgive and be grateful to God you have come this far instead. Count more your blessings. This alone will get you out from the bondage of the past. Letting go of your past through forgiveness is the passport to taking care of your self. Unless you do this, you will continue to neglect yourself. Thus, you continue with whatever form of habit or addiction/s which actually are forms of numbing your mind to get away.
Our self-neglect led us to harm and hurt people, whether or not we did it deliberately. I do not know much about sins but I am wondering how this, harming or hurting others, is related to what they call “sins of omission” and “sins of commission”. Self-neglect is also the “building block” to accepting other people’s generous offer of love. We are so threatened and feel so unworthy unconsciously that we often behave with our neurosis in control, taking the wheel at the driver’s seat. That caused us a lot of mistrust. So we judge and whisk people right away na para lang silang gamit o basahan na kukunin lang uli pag kailangan na.
For those who have been harmed or hurt, I pray you decide to forgive. I know you have been angry at first. It is a normal reaction. But anger management tells us to recognize and accept that we are angry. Do something about the anger by crying maybe, or whatever healthy strategy that you feel fit to do. Just don’t involve hurting others also because that is displacement which is completely unhealthy as well as disastrous. When you have felt a lot better, decide to forgive through God’s intervention. The best way to forgive is to pray for the person who hurt you. But most importantly, after the storm begin to trust and love again.
Love cannot survive without trust. When we learn the lessons of our experiences, we decide how to love best according to what we went through. Or we become paranoid. Personally, “loving from a distance” (as I call it) has been an effective strategy. I have to do this in complete obedience of Jesus Christ’s call “to love”.
Loving from a distance does not necessarily mean withdrawal of support or friendship from anybody. It is simply “respecting the pace” (Alan Loy McGinnis, THE FRIENDSHIP FACTOR) of a person’s (spiritual) growth. This is because we definitely differ in our healing process, specifically the time factor. Depende san aton sincerity and perseverance to do so. But mostly on God’s grace.
Our complete healing is the only key to reconciliation with our self. This self-reconciliation will lead us to truly love our self. When we have come to love our self truly already we can begin to love others as well. It is by this process alone where we can be spiritually transformed effectively. And when we have reached our spiritual height, we can then comfortably profess our love to anybody, and everybody. It is in this state alone where love is true and pure. Other than this, our “I love you-promise”, conveyed in whatever ways, is unstable – as we are. It will not hold water. It will be meaningless and forever changing.
Strive, dear friends. Let that God in your head enter your heart. It is only when Jesus Christ is truly inside your heart that you can “put premium on people” (Ron Jenson, MAKE A LIFE NOT JUST A LIVING); when your “I love you” is “truly I love you”; and when you consider each one as a child of God, just like you are. Remember, nobody has the right to treat anybody like garbage. We are all very special children of God!
May God’s loving and eternal grace pour abundantly on all of us, dearest friends. Bye.
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