LOST IN TRANSLATION

“I have most of all wanted to forget you... I have tried to erase the footprints we’ve made together... I have told myself not to regret having known you… I have chosen to forget your image from my thoughts... I have wrapped myself in silence… But still I remember you... I have walked along lonely stretches just to forget the thoughts of you… I have shed tears thinking of washing away your image from my dreams...from my wishes and hopes...from my songs... And yet in my silence…in my loneliness…I REMEMBER YOU…”

This is a deeply moving and heartbreaking text message my son received not too long ago. I don’t know why but this kept me crying for days and nights. Maybe because I am really an out and out sanguine, a super emotional individual, or it could also be because I can seem to perfectly relate with the texter’s feelings having made the same choice, of forgetting, thirty (30) years ago.

Sometime ago, I wrote about “pathology of love”- which is a sickness a person and only God can cure. Lest this be misunderstood further, may I then explain how we can best get out of this sickness with our pride intact and our joy double.

“Life is a choice” and “Love is a decision” – more than it is a feeling or an emotion. Love, because it is really divine in its truest meaning, must not hurt anybody – either the person who loves or anybody, for that matter. It is for this reason that we hastily make the decision of ‘choosing to forget’ without us knowing the ill effects and grave consequences that lie ahead.

To choose to forget is a self denial (Daniel Goleman, THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF DECEPTION). When I did that I was in my adolescent years (it’s mostly when innocent and unsuspecting first loves happen. Adolescence is one of the two (2) most vulnerable stages in human life, psychologically speaking) and I was in my most susceptible but untainted loving stage.

That one false move led me down the dark alleys causing me to hurt many people along the way. For some, choosing to forget may seem to help, especially for the more sacrificing personalities. So they may interpret the decision as a successful coping mechanism, thereby repeating the same strategy over and over again. Until the time when they finally realize that the strategy of forgetting is not working anymore. This time the pain seems most painful to bear.

Love and loving entails responsibility in it. Therefore, it is a must for us to know the difference between LOVING REALISTICALLY from LOVING FOOLISHLY. Loving foolishly is clearly childish, while loving realistically is childlike.

Eric Berne (who I think theorized the PAC – Parent, Adult, Child in us – Theory first, followed by Thomas Harris’ I’M OK, YOU’RE OK), in his book GAMES PEOPLE PLAY, stated that our Child is (naturally) spontaneous, innocent, and loving. Unfortunately, however, because of our ignorance we went through life forgetting the goodness of our Child little by little. Its corroding effect is so great that we grew up to be adults who are mostly at a loss when it comes to love and loving.

We have considerably lost the wonder of our Child unconsciously. That is why we cannot love spontaneously and innocently anymore. In place of our Child’s wonder loving, we like to love with malice and expectations. We always love for whatever motive/s there is. When it becomes unbearable for our Child already (because of our ignorant suppression), pilit siya’ng aalpas, thus, we act and love foolishly – completely childish! Any wonder why so many people go foolish in midlife?

You must have seen Bill Murray’s and Scarlett Johansson’s movie, LOST IN TRANSLATION. That movie, dear friends, is a clear example of loving realistically. We must know our proper values because it must be where our priorities are anchored. Jesus Christ reminded us: “unless you become little children again, you cannot enter the Kingdom of God.” We need to be vulnerable sometimes (if the situation rightly calls for it) to find our Child again because TO LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE MISSION OF THE SOUL (Gary Zukav, Seat of the Soul).

My decision to forget, thirty (30) years ago, was a decision of my Parent-contaminated Adult. Completely unhealthy! Realizing that it was a crazy decision, I decided to love no matter. From then on I moved slowly, inch by inch, and before long, I saw me when I was a kid – naturally sweet and loving.

Our decision to love no matter is likewise a difficult choice but it is very rewarding, as well as emotionally and psychologically freeing in the end. The only prayer we need as an effective tool is: “Your Will be done, Father!” We cannot do everything in our power. We have to rely heavily on God’s power in an absolute trust in His plans for each one of us as Christ promised in Jeremiah 29:11-12.

Love is really enough, believe me. It is our understanding of it that is not. We just must not forget to pray for the one we truly love because despite our capacity to love everybody unconditionally, there is always a special one who holds our heart (as the case maybe).

Submit. Surrender. “Man proposes. God disposes.” Don’t get lost in translation.

Love you dearly, friends…! God bless you.