My eldest son, who is a little too short on patience, woke up on the wrong side of his bed (as in, he was fuming mad at me) hearing my uncontrollable sobs one particular early Saturday morning. That is how he shows you he actually cares for you. But maybe because I am his mother who knows him too well (I know where he got that, too), I am not at all affected with his kind of loving. Kaloka!
I know he will, one day, refine his loving. My heart tells me that. Nobody changes overnight. Pag nangyari ‘yan sa sinuman, matakot kayo. You have all the reasons to doubt. The person is up to something sometime. At pagdating ng araw na ‘yan, consider yourself dead meat!
Back to my eldest son, when I finally got the right timing, to talk to him about the reason for my crying, I was glad he understood naman. Although it was not without slight disagreements between us before we both really settled the matter. I thanked God again for all of the experiences He let me during my younger years… or I would have found it hard to cope every time I am faced with difficult situations with my stewardship.
Unchangingly I maintain my conviction that the greatest indeed that God gave is friendship! To quote Muhammad Ali: “Friendship is the greatest in the world. It is not something you learned in school. And if you haven’t learned anything about friendship, you haven’t learned anything at all.”
It was my contemplation regarding friendship that made me cry hard that morning while I was in the middle of my morning praise and prayer. My weekdays were laden with torment involving two (2) of my dearest friends in our workforce. I was hurt in both un-fateful events because I promised myself that the last thing that I need in this lifetime is a broken relationship. That, if there is any truth to the “reincarnation” concept, I want this to be my last lifetime.
That week, however, proved me how difficult it is to be true to my promise. That when we have come to know what love really is and how it is to really love, we cannot do away with hurting people sometimes.
People are what and who they are because of numerous interlocking factors. Kaya nga, “gusto kong bumait pero ‘di ko magawa”, sabi ng isang OPM song. And most often, what happens is “they don’t try hard enough”, maybe because they are not also willing to “cry hard enough” first.
It is one natural phenomenon also to not like sufferings and pain. We have been raised either as spoiled brats or we continued holding on to the pains caused by our pasts, unable to forgive and let go. So we became numb. It is this numbing factor we adopted that made us exist na lang, not live anymore.
Friendship is a trusting relationship. When we unconsciously choose to exist only, we also choose to be paranoid, devoid of trust. How on earth can love be present in a friendship without trust? Without honest friendships there is no love between any (2) or more persons. Technically then, this is foul! Technical lang ang friendship na nag-i-exist between you and your supposed friend/s.
When my personal evaluation tells me this, it is high time I keep my distance. I will love you from there na lang – away from you. There is so much to be learned. I have to grow with you if you are my friend. If I don’t, then I will move away. Ganyan ako. Either you leave me or I’ll leave you. Kasi kung patuloy tayong magsasama, di ko alam kung saan tayo pupulutin. Baka sa kangkungan. Joke! Pero seryusli talaga, ayoko kasi dun, e. God intended me for somewhere good I know I deserve. At dun ko lang gusto. I am the Captain of my Ship. I’ll always decide to live my life the way I see it fit.
Praise and all glory to God, every time people say something nice at how my kids grew up I tell them back: “It’s because we both grew up in friendships.” We sometimes fight, but storms are part of a healthy and growing friendship. Friendship or any relationship for that matter, without disagreements is fishy. It is composed of phony people. Between my children and me, we keep learning from one another in our friendship, physically but more spiritually present every time, all the time. The fact that I am their parent does not stand in between us at all. I believe that I have attained my balance, in God’s grace and mercy, and they are fully aware of this. So they know securely well that they can always approach me whether it is a friend, a sweetheart, or a parent they need. Maybe it is also this that made me secure they are not offended every time I call their attention, especially on matters about discipline (sometimes it is I that they discipline also).
In parting, may I reiterate what I’d been saying na paulit-ulit na lang: Be a friend to yourself by resolving all of your issues, so that you can establish honest and rewarding friendships. We are made for friendships and service…nothing more, nothing less.
With all my love, please know that I really care…GOD BLESS U!
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