WHEN GOOD PEOPLE GO BAD

Things will keep repeating themselves until the lesson/s attached to them is learned.

It's been eight (8) long months since I last wrote. I hope you missed me, too. Let me take this opportunity to thank my God-given best friend for lending me his notebook so I could write again. We had our broadband disconnected for financial reasons. It is unfortunate but it is the truth. I offer no alibis. God has His proper timing.

As writers often do, I also have my peak moments when I compose best. This is one of those unusual moments when I feel the urgency to air my sentiments through writing. The anger I have deep inside me has subsided, yes, since yesterday when I recognized it upon waking up (after my prayers of gratitude, of course!), but it has not completely dissipated yet.

You see, I have (or should it be 'had'?) this friend who I consider(ed?) my little brother because I found him to be a really nice guy when I came to know him. He was not the typical average guy looming around we find a-plenty everywhere. He was always vocal about what he felt inside. He was one guy who I thought was in touch with his own feelings and was not a bit icky being vocal about them. I loved him for his honesty (and rarity). Unbeknownst to me though, the same kind of love for a friend will again led me to my grave (ganyan mag-describe ng feelings ang mga katulad kong OA!).

Last Friday, 24th of this month, I met him accidentally in one of the sites belonging to the national offices here. (But no, there are no accidents nor coincidences in life, according to St. Theresa. Everything happens for a purpose and I most certainly believe that.) We exchanged hi's and hello's, and what-have-you's, simply because we have not seen each other for too long a time already. The truth to the matter is, I sent him an invitation, sometime last year, for us to meet and talk because there were unpleasant issues about him I've been personally told about that also brought me pain for him (my messianic complex was at work again, completely overtaking my sanity and logical thinking). After a few text-exchanges I sensed his disinterest to have this personal meeting, so I left it at that. I assured him though that I'd just be around when he comes back down and would like to look back, and analyze perhaps, what could have gone wrong.

We parted, in that 'accidental' and short seeing-each-other-moment, rather well. That was how I personally assessed the scenario. But I was wrong.

During the early afternoon of the same day, I was caught in complete surprise to have been paid a visit by his live-in partner asking me what prompted me to say 'nasty' things about their relationship. Oh, my Lord! My spontaneous response was to re-tell her what transpired between us in that brief meeting, as far as I could vividly recall the incident. Kasabay ng: "I am sorry he put malice to my statement. But I think that, if he had troubling questions naman pala on his mind, bakit ikaw ngayon ang nandito sa harapan ko, at di siya?" For which she replied: "Ewan ko. Basta ako, walang ginagawang masama. At wala namang problema sa aming dalawa!" She kept repeating this particular statement the whole time we spent talking civilly to each other. Until I ended it by telling her what was bothering me instantaneously during our conversation: "Ngayon tuloy, sa nangyaring ito, parang gusto ko nang magtanong kung wala nga bang problema?" Having said that, she bade me her goodbye and off she went.

All's well that ends well, I thought. But I was wrong again.

Tuesday, April 28, morning, I received a call from my dearest friend (who's in Manila in support of her son. I consider her my sister) asking me for details why I am allegedly particularly hand-picked and name-dropped for malicious statements regarding the current situation of the live-in partner of my little brother. I was astounded to hear that! And I thought pa naman that all was well na. I narrated to her what exactly happened. After talking over our cell-phones, I kept thinking where and what could have gone wrong. I texted her saying: "At ang linis ko naman para sabihin 'yan. Wala po akong karapatan, ever, na manghusga ng kapwa. I think that he (my little brother) is making me his scapegoat para kung anuman ang mangyari between them eventually, nailihis na naman n'ya ang atensyon ng tao." Unless a person decides to really, really grow up they will never own up to their own mistakes, lest look at his/her self with serious honesty. THE LONGEST JOURNEY IS THE JOURNEY TO THE SELF. Thank you, my dear little brother (or whoever put those words into my mouth) for the injustice you did me! Whatever reason/s you have for doing that, harinawa'ng hindi bumalik sa'yo ang lahat ng ginawa mo. Goodbye and God bless you.

You know what really kills my spirit, dear friends? It's when good people go wrong (or maybe I just had actually a lapse of judgment, especially in this particular case. Weren't we told NOT TO JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER?). And there couldn't be any 'wronger' than crossing a person's boundaries. Please be aware of that, my friends. It's when we go wrong and can't retract from it, with honest sincerity, that we become bad. We have got to watch our every word or action. Or we hurt people. Change, has been said, is always constant. That it is only change that doesn't change. Everything and everybody changes. As God's greatest creation supposedly, I pray that people change for the better, instead of, for the bad. Kasi pag nag-bad tayo, may worse pang kasunod 'yan. Papa'no pa pag napunta tayo sa superlative degree n'yan - 'yung worst? That is why 'when there is nobody and nothing left to blame anymore, we blame God' na! Aaay...kawawa naman palagi si God. I'm...sad...sick and tired of us! It's a pity if you don't feel the same way.

And so it is, friends, that because of this, I realized now that prayer is the best that I could offer anybody, even to the person who I love the most.

Allow me then to take this opportunity also to extend my THANK YOU to the best people I've known yet who gave me their much-needed support: to my dearest friend, you are really my sister; to my God-given best friend who always makes life easier for me because he is always there through hell or high waters, my sincerest love and faithfulness; and to my kids for whom I can always lean on despite their young age, I love you, guys! This is what is good between real friends, we do not just swallow hook line and sinker what we hear from whoever source. We always give justice to where justice rightfully belongs. We know how to weigh things up and measure the weight according to the right moral values for which we stand firm.

I hope and pray that this is the last misfortune of the same event that will happen to me, as I am finally resolved to learning my lesson following this tragedy. As far as I could remember, I'd been in this situation back in the early 80's concerning my good friend, Fe Tiberio (we were finally reunited after more than a decade). I'd always been put in this kind of misfortune for doing things IN GOOD FAITH. As I remember na somewhere in the Holy Bible these words, DO NOT MEDDLE IN ANYBODY'S AFFAIRS, my apologies dear God, my only Savior. Thank you for always teaching and watching over me!

Bye everybody. SALAMAT PO for bearing with me! God bless you always.